Saturday, August 16, 2008

When we last spoke

Through all the ignorance and lies.

Today was the first day of school. The first day of school is always long. My lack of planning was more evident today than normal, and there were lots of things that I should have gotten done earlier that I either didn't get done, forgot about, or came up. The thing about my job that frustrates me, which is probably the reason I have it, is that I feel like I have to handle it gracefully when someone else's lack of planning becomes my emergency. Of course, I do this to other people as well, so it is kind of hypocritical for me to complain, but I do it anyway.

Anyway, stuff went well today, stuff broke today, I was frustrated, I didn't get stuff done, I made some people's day better, and in all, I just am here. I'm happy that I can make stuff work for people. I'm happy that I can figure things out. I'm unhappy that I have to explain procedures to people whose title would indicate that they should know the procedures. I'm unhappy that I tell people I will get something done, and then I don't manage to. I'm just fine with the fact that I'm here at work at 6:30 after I tried to chase other people out of their offices saying, they needed to go home so they didn't burn out. (Again, I am a hypocrite.)

OK, another thing that happened today, that I feel awkward about talking about, but I have to process it somehow, and I figure, what the hey, I'll talk about it here. (I made a deal with myself a couple months ago to try to treat people the same way in public as I do in private, and the related thing with that is talk about people in public and in private the same way. So I try not to say things away from people that I wouldn't say to them, and now I'm digressing.

We got an e-mail from the school director saying we were going to get a pay increase, all of us across the board. I read this, and promptly forgot about it. Someone mentioned it to me later as a good thing, and I remembered it, made some nice noises, and forgot again. Someone said something else to me, and I commented that I really didn't care. I don't care. It's this relationship that I have with money - I don't care. Part of it is that I have always had enough money for what I wanted. The other part of it is that I have never regarded money as something important. Again, maybe it's because I have always had enough money. But I didn't take this job to make bank - I didn't take this job to become rich. Being paid was a nice perk when I took the job, but I would have taken it if I didn't get compensated. Maybe part of it is that I have no debt, no real expenses, no reason to have money.

I don't know what this nonchalance about money, or my ready revealing of my financial state says about me. I don't know why I even care enough to post this, but I do. I don't exactly think that it's me trying to brag, I think maybe it's me just not comprehending all of this. When you've never wanted for anything, it's hard to imagine doing so. When you're not who they thought you were, it's hard to be anything else.

Well, since I started this post, it's been an hour and a half, I've unjammed the copier twice, gotten a wireless router working again, and done half a dozen other unimpressive things. Yay for me.

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