Thursday, May 08, 2008


Well. It's 4:00 A.M. I woke up at 3:20 to help our director out with a Skype video call he was making back to the States for a retirement concert his father (a music teacher) had. It was cool, we had talked to the tech person at the school in the states, and they projected our director up on their screen and pumped his voice through the sound system. We have no electricity at 4:00 A.M., and I had to hold a flashlight up so you could see his face. But it happened, and I'm glad I could help. I'm glue.

Life here is proceeding apace, we're getting closer and closer to the end of school all the time. I'm working on some proposals for new equipment for next year, including a new portable computer lab. If I can get all the ideas for that lined up and get funding, it should be pretty neat. Anyone have any connections with a computer distribution company? I'm looking to buy a decent chunk of equipment, and am really hoping I can talk someone into giving me a good price break on of it, seeing as how we are a non-profit and in Afghanistan.

I find myself wanting to say more, and not knowing what to say. Suffice to say, that explains a lot of what I want to say these days. All that I want to give gets stuck between every rib, and I have good intentions, but no exit for them to come out right through. What does that make me? I having this feeling of being in the middle of a telescope - I look one way and everything is so big, I look the other and everything is so small. Maybe I'll make it over to where I have the right perspective soon.

Have you ever wondered how people describe you when you're not around? I mean, not just the comments about specific incidents, but if someone said to another person while you weren't there, "What's so-and-so like?" What do you think they would say? What would you want them to say? Are those in the same set? I'm never sure if they are for myself. The comfort is that there's really only one opinion that matters, and that opinion doesn't really involve me. Still, I would like to know what others think of me. I guess I need to learn to put that aside.

And here, I find myself, wanting to do something perhaps I can't. Has it really been that long since I was gone? Has it really been that long since I was and was not who I am? This is why I wonder how people describe me.

I'm going to stay awake and hopefully see the new sun. It rises over the land, bringing light to a place where darkness is not as far estranged as we could wish. But then again, the light isn't as estranged as I seem to think it is, either.

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