Tuesday, February 19, 2008

"Colors again," said the herald of shining.

Today, I had a full day. The morning was ridiculously crazy, and I made it worse with my own helter-skelter nature. I barely sat down at my computer before 8:30. Then, I did Kdg/1st PE at 9:00, which was fun, 2 weight training classes wherein we played Bocce, which I guess went OK, had lunch fast, tried to get a couple things done, had lunch duty, 6th Grade PE, 9th Grade boys Health, then had another 20-30 minutes at the computer before car line, then homework club after car line. Immediately after homework club, I went with a friend of mine to get something to drink, then just relaxed and talked until supper, ate supper, went and tried to work out before staff meeting, had staff meeting, which was Quiz/Trivia night (and my team won by 1 point, :P ). Just a full day.

I didn't even mention what's been occupying my background thought processes.

Our P.E. teacher isn't coming back. I want to help, but I can't do as much as I have been doing. Especially if I have to start planning lessons, since I've just been cribbing off of what she left for us. My ideal situation would be that I could do elementary P.E., and other people can do the other classes. We'll see what happens.

Despite the full day, I'm not stressed. Neat things happened today. The Kdg and 1st graders were pretty good in P.E., and they're so adorable. We had soup for lunch. I got a cool little award from the 1st grade class for flexibility. One of the third graders in Car Line asked me if I had a good day, then told me about learning about the rain forest in class. I got to leave campus, just for a short time, and have a quiet relaxing talk with a friend. More little things that I probably have forgotten. It was a good day.


"This place will be different. (...) I hope I can make it here."

I keep a fairly regular diary/journal on my computer. Every time I go to make a new entry, it opens at the start of the file. The two items above are part of the very first entry. I see them all the time, and I remember the feelings, emotions, and thoughts that I had the first days that I was here.

And as the weather has taken a turn back to the warmer, as we are into the second month of classes after the break, as the world around me changes and grows, I think back to those two thoughts.

"This place will be different." Far different than I imagined that it could be, and yet already it has become familiar. The language, the community, the work. The smell of propane, the taste of heavily filtered water. The need for flexibility, the desire to be intractable. How long ago was it that I was me and not me? Yesterday, and yet it seems like a decade.

"I hope I can make it here." Weeks like this week, I still wonder about this. I mean, I've been a P.E. teacher the last week. Me! How does this happen? I sometimes feel unable to interact around students, staff, my friends, even my Best Friend. I feel totally inadequate for the job and the responsibilities I have been given. And who knows what's going to happen with P.E. in the coming days.

Yet, amidst this recurrent thoughts, I have a rock that I can hold to, a fortress that cannot be assailed. There is a strength greater than mine own, and I have been given the measure of it that I need for this day, and I will get the measure I need for the next.

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