Thursday, October 11, 2007

To grow and decay, to slow along the way.

This is a post that I can't make make any sense outside of context. So for you long time readers, here's a chance to embrace the feel of the old tapestry, my seemingly disconnected and hopefully not too disconcerting word pictures.

Have you ever had one of those days that was fine but it wasn't fine? One of those days that just seemed weird? It turns out that wanting things doesn't make them real, but then, in this place and with this face, what would? A portion of the time, I can't even muster up the chutzpah to be insincere, so I'm just quiet. After a course, I realize what it means to be hungry even when your body is full.

You know, there are times that I'm here that I begin to grow angry. Angry at [], unfortunately. Angry because I think I had convinced myself that things would change. Angry for I can't stop the things that I feel from affecting me. Angry because of the darkness and the lack of light. Angry at the silence, because I had hoped to hear and I still don't.

There are times we go to a mountaintop, and there are more times that we inappropriately search for that mountaintop because it's what we want, we want the mountaintop instead of He who made the mountain. There are times that we want things not for the having, but for the wanting instead. Put another way, we idealize the process of wanting, and miss out on the actual receiving because we are to focused on the wanting to realize the acquisition of thing is the actual goal, the actual target. In my life, I too often place on a higher pedestal the journey instead of the destination.


Perhaps the way to say this is to keep up the transparency as much as possible. Then again, perhaps not. I think I'm going to stick with the cryptic.

Hopes, dreams, wishes and desires. None of them mean a thing without the One. To return to what I once was would be a shame. To break would be to not have bent. All that glitters is not gold, and one day, in this world, the one now seen as crownless shall again be King. That one such as I should be counted of worth to be subordinate, that I could be... to contemplate this leaves me nothing but skin. Leaves me to realize that sand will bury me. Makes it known that I exist and live in a place not easily arrived in by the one who became flesh, and stored up not where live moth and rust.

Many days, today in too many ways, I have been frustrated. I lost repeatedly at basketball. I wasted time. I couldn't get something to work. I... conversation can be hard sometimes, especially when I remember that wanting things doesn't make them real.


Take my life. Let it be a sweet, sweet sound.

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