Friday, August 29, 2008

The Fires Come...

... and who are you now?

I've realized that I am still trying, too much, to hold on to who I used to be. Instead of letting go and embracing the changes that are occurring in me and in my life, I am trying to exact and extract a measure of control over my life, over circumstances, over what people think of me. I try to be who I think I want to be, instead of being who I should be. And the profound thing that struck me today while I was in meeting is that there may be nothing wrong with who I want to be, but its not who I should be. I guess to clarify, when I say nothing wrong with it, what I mean is that there is no inherent problem with the idea of someone being like that. Rather, this is not what I am meant to be. So therefore, my attitude needs to change, and I need to surrender this attempt to control my life. I need to discover how I am supposed to be what I am supposed to be.

I also know that following through on this will be difficult for me. But I do what I have to do. Poorly sometimes, but I do it.

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