Saturday, May 03, 2008

Beneath a graying skyline.

This is me, I'm always the same.

Can we just find the answers out without working for them? That would seem to be too easy, but let's call it what it is. The real truth of our lives is that we don't claim the things that have been given to us, instead we claim the lies and the deceit that drag us down. Behind the smiles, sincerity isn't really enough to leave this state.

This is me, I'm always the same.

Leaving behind the things that we used to know doesn't always mean that we're going to instantly find something new, something better. Sometimes I guess that we just have to wander for a while so that we really know to trust someone other than ourselves for our direction. There's no way to fall in line without that trust. I find myself being a messenger for a message that I thought I was totally unqualified to carry. I think that my thinking is right - I am totally unqualified by any measure I can come up with.

This is me, I'm always the same.

Where was I when this all started? I'm not sure if I was actually paying attention to what was going on around me, or if I was just hanging out in the snack line waiting for the next bit of soma to stave off the ennui for a while. I'm a liar and a deceiver, and it seems that this doesn't really change the older I get, maybe it just gets a little more subtle and a little easier and harder to resist at the same time.

This is me, I'm always the same.

I don't really know any more how to change the things that I guess I'm not supposed to be anymore. If I'm always the same, what is there that can really be changed? Plenty. Starting at the exposition of who I used to be, which is not a truism that can be bandied about by comforting words. Smiles on the face just roll off when faced with the adversity common in this world, if our smiles are only based here.

This is me, I'm always the same.

I have more in common with those that I would not. I have less in common with those that I want to than I wish. A single voice speaking could change some of those commonalities, but I don't look for that change to happen soon, which is a kind of disappointment. Something like that change is perhaps not to be as wished for as I think, and in fact, may not happen for a long time.

This is me, I'm always the same.

2 comments:

Michaela K. Creer said...

Mr. Meltsner you are constantly confusing me. Why didn't you put the title of this blog 'This is me, I'm always the same?'Also I think I understood the surface of what you're saying but not the deep part. So therefore I'm changing your name again. You are now Paul.

Russ said...

The title is what it is because it isn't the point of the post - it's merely describing where I am.

The deepness is in the Sky, not in the words that I say.