Nothing to be learned

I guess I haven't posted in a while. Maybe part of the reason for this is the increasing cold, maybe part of it is just a lack of things to say.

I can't tell you why there's shadows on the sun. If someone is taking the best of you, maybe the thing to do is find who you should be giving it to instead.

I had a pretty good weekend, it was kind of lazy but good. I played video games, did work, played Frisbee, got to go out to eat, talk with friends, play Madden on the big screen in my room.

I got new furniture! I have a couch, love seat, and two chairs in my room now. It's a little much, and I'm still trying to figure out how to arrange everything, but this is good.

I'm starting all of my paragraphs with personal possessive pronouns.

My housemates and I rearranged this weekend.

I have to speak at Monday Morning Focus meeting this week, and I still don't know what it is that I am going to say.

I think there are things that are happening that I just need to see the way through, but I'm not sure what that way is, and this scares me because here I don't want to stumble. My intentions are perhaps full of pride, but I can't see through them as well as I would like.

What are my true colors? Where is it that I want to be? Am I an overachiever or an underachiever?

Do I think about things too much, do I overthink everything? The truth is that every single day that I'm here, I wonder why I am here, I look at the skills and the drive of the other people here, and wonder why and how I fit in here. Then I think about the billions of people, the thousands of years, the innumerable plans that have all worked out, and I guess I just know I'm going to be ok if I walk the path.

My heart just breaks sometimes, and I never know when it is going to happen. It happened today when I saw a kid on the street. It happened yesterday when I drove through an area of town that should be nice, and drove by guards brandishing their klashnikovs. It happened earlier this week when I was hearing about how the Soviets destroyed this country with scorched earth polices in the eighties, how America didn't help by funding the muj.

There is no end to where I see the world zooming out from me. If all of the base factors of physics, nay, the universe lined up right for us to exist, why do I worry?