Silent at the whisper

Words. Words that tear us apart.

Words that focus on the ailments and the troubles, not words that focus on the cures and the solutions. Words that focus on the foolish and the misguided, not the wise and upright.

Words. Words that take us away.

We had a guys meeting tonight. It was big, more people than we've ever had. And I was granted a new perspective on some things, in ways which I can't describe to you.

There is so much swirling around in my head right now, and I want to get it out, but it's hard to know how to post some of this.

I am wrapped up in so many things these days. How am I going to get all these things done, how am I going to start to deal with my new boss, how am I going to understand how to grow, how am I going to be the man that I need to be for D, how do I build our friendship and relationship at the same time appropriately, where is my life headed, what do I need to do to improve? There's always a storm cloud of some kind waiting over the horizons in my life, it seems.

But really, there isn't. I read OT5-2 this morning, and, I'm struck at how the obstacle put in place is not there to dissuade or discourage, but to encourage and to spur on. They just got through two other countries just fine, and then this strife comes up in the third. It's not to knock them down, it's not to scare them. It is to show them their need to rely on Someone other than themselves.

There's a situation going on here that my remembrance about it has become not about the situation being resolved, but about the light being shown. About the conduct and behavior of the people involved would show something of who really matters. And the challenge in that remembrance to myself is to become a person who is always focused on that display. To become a man who is not about wanting good things to happen to me, but about who I Am.

This leads me to the difficult happiness and joy that my relationship with D is becoming. Difficult because neither of us has been in this kind of relationship before, and we get to figure all kinds of things out together. Happiness because she is a pretty great person to spend time with, and she brings me chocolate. ;) Joy because of Who she knows and makes me want to know more. Because I know that I can never be a man who deserves a woman like her without Another. I want the relationship that we have to Show.

Things in this life don't happen quickly. Events may seem to, but I think that it is a matter of scale. A hurricane may seem to happen quickly, but viewed from above, it slowly develops. That's my life. Slowly developing. I'm slowly growing, quickly falling, getting up again eventually, and becoming who I Am wants me to be.