Cycle after cycle

The dissolution continues. A big group of my friends left today, including one I'll perhaps never see again. Others that I won't get to see for two months, one I'll get to see at the airport tomorrow.

I've grown accustomed to this place, not just the physical, but the presences of the place as well. There are between 5 and 9 (depending on how you count) of us left on campus, plus our national staff, but the place feels like a ghost town. It's 12:45 on Sunday, normally the swinging middle of the week, and there is no one here. It's weird.

I hope this is all for redemption, because my world seems like it's going to have more gray than I want in it for the next two months.

I had breakfast with one of my good buddies this morning after we saw the morning airport group off. I've realized that the one thing I hate about this lifestyle that I am adopting is the goodbyes. I've never been very good at them. Part of the problem is that I have surface relationships with many people, and a few good friendships, and a small number of terrific friendships. I'm going back to my family and a couple good and terrific friendships, but I'm leaving some here. I'm going to miss talking to my pal here who knows what I've gone through this year, I know what he's gone through, and we've really encouraged each other through it. I'm going to miss having almost daily Talks along with another of my friends whom I have really come to value in the short time I've known him. I'm going to miss hanging out with another of my friends who... I'm really going to miss. Saying goodbye is rough sometimes.

And yet, goodbye is a part of the life we live, it's a part of the process of growing. It's a relief to know that not all of these goodbyes are forever, that someday soon, we will resume the friendships that we have started. It's a comfort to know that I'm going to get to see a number of my friends from here again. Still, tonight we're going out to dinner, some of us that are left. I've got two friends who I'll say goodbye to tonight that I may never see again, one of whom has been my Talking friend recently. I hope I don't cry tonight or tomorrow night at the airport when I say goodbye to another friend.

I leave tomorrow mid-morning. One last walk, then pack and get ready to go...