A place that has always been there.

Don't hear and then forget.

I'm still struggling to stay positive and stable. I'm struggling not to get frustrated when our generator dies, and instead see the positive that I got to go out in the middle of the day and play basketball with two classes because they couldn't work in the lab. I'm struggling not to get frustrated when I do some fancy footwork to get things working, then people don't use them. I'm struggling not to get frustrated when I just get new and exciting things to do that I don't know how to do.

But then again, I find it easier to set aside my petty fear or lack of trust. I find it a little easier to choose to be joyful when I wake up. I find the little things that can make my day better. I find the happiness of doing one little thing that will make things better that no one will ever notice. I find the peace in sticking my headphones in and wearing myself out doing reps in the weight room, in my own little zone even there are other people around. I find the ability to let go of my irritation that people intrude on my alone-shooting-baskets-in-the-dark time.

So, you see, not everything is bad, not everything is good. I get emotional, I get the peace to not let it affect me. I get down, but I won't go away. I won't give up, I won't give in. It doesn't help, it never did.