Something in the wind

Well, its midnight and I'm sadly overly wired, so you're getting a blog update!

First, this may be TMI, but in this country, each house has a water pump to fill up the water tank on the roof, which then supplies sinks, showers, toilets, etc, with water. My water pump is not working (it might be burned out), and all of our maintenance staff is on vacation. You can see where this might be going. So, I haven't showered in a couple days and to flush, I have to fill up a bucket at the shower in the gate house outside (which has a working water pump), and bring it inside. However, it's midnight and I'm ready to go to bed and I need to make a long visit to the toilet and then make the visit go away. I don't want to go outside and fill the bucket up. What to do? Fortunately, my house has three bathrooms and I am the only one in the house for the next couple days. Therefore, the solution is obvious. I have been avoiding using the bathroom across the hall so that it can be utilized in just such an emergency. And protecting that toilet tank was a wise, wise move.

We're in Summer School season now, and that means that I am being the P.E. teacher again. Or maybe I will just assume the title of P.E. Director, that sounds more awesome, right? Last week, we played with frisbees all week, culminating in Ultimate Frisbee for the older kids. That was pretty fun. This week is soccer, which has also been OK. Next week will be basketball, and I have high hopes for that.

Summer here is nice because the campus empties out and we get to spend more time with people, which this year happily includes some of our favorite people on campus, the school's science teacher and his wife and four kids. They're great and we are really going to miss them next year.

I mention them for a reason. I would like to ask you to take a minute to Remember them, and especially their younger son. Here's an e-mail I sent out to our school staff earlier this week about them.

"On Sunday, J fell and split his lip on the cement. He went to [a local expat run hospital] to get stitches to sew his lip back together, and they put him under general anesthesia for the surgery. While he was on the anesthesia, his heart stopped, and they had to do CPR on him to revive him. He made it out fine, and now [Friday], he is physically fine (albeit with 5 stitches in his lip,) but he has developed what the doctor says is something like PTSD. He’s very scared, says he needs air to breath, is shaking his head constantly, and doesn’t want his parents to leave him. If you could please Ask for comfort for him, and Ask for strength for the rest of the family."

J is a pretty tough little kid, and he usually doesn't show a lot of emotion, so this situation has been really taxing on their whole family. Yesterday (Tuesday) he got the stitches out of his lip, and he's doing a lot better. But he still is really sensitive and gets really scared at night. If you, my faithful readers who I have let down this year by not posting as much, could Remember him, that would be really great.

I'm heading to bed now. D and I get married in 32 days! We're super excited.

Obsteporous

This.

The year at school, it is concluded.

This.

The country we live in is experiencing some silent upheaval. It may be the calm before the storm.

This.

Disruption for many of our friends here.

This.

We are not alone.

This.

Slalom

In a week, another school year will be done and many people I have spent the last year with will be gone.

In a month, I will have moved away from the place I have called home for nearly 3 years, and will be where home was and waiting for home to be.

In two months, I will be married and on my honeymoon.

It's the end of the school year, the end of my time, and it seems to be a new era unfolding here. There are many things occurring in this country that are more than meets the eye, and who knows where some of them will lead?

It's been a busy and not busy last few days. We had the dance recital Saturday, it was great, D did a good job with her dance and the rest of the recital was great! We had a garage sale last Thursday, and sold a bunch of stuff we won't be needing anymore and don't need to take back.

We're both pretty worn down and worn out, so please ask that we have patience with the world around us our last month here!

Reveries of Flight

We are the army of the far from perfect.

And we come here, not to berate those who are not perfect, but show them the way to become perfect.

Yet there are many here who wish for this to stay out of reach.

Following the footsteps of heroes never led to the safe and grey road.

There are things happening here. There are powers moving here, powers that having been moving in opposition for hundreds, nay, thousands of years. While we doubt not the light, it grows darker here. Not just for us, but for our friends here.

But the Prince of the Dawn will not be moved, and will bring the light again.

Please Remember our friends here as they stand fast against the son of the morning.

To understand

Good morning, readers.

Yesterday was our school's graduation. There were 11 seniors, some really good kids, who are now leaving us and going into the wide world. The graduation, after emergencarily (why is that not a word?) getting moved due to the big conference which was supposed to start this week, went pretty well. I did sound, and because of the move, we didn't have as many frills as in the past, which meant I could just take our little sound system and set up in about 20 minutes instead of it taking me 3 hours. That was nice. The ceremony was pretty good, but it did remind me of what country I live in, when the speaker, the head of education for this country, was describing some of his vision for education in the country (that by 2020 every child would have access to basic education, in a building, with qualified teachers), and he said that, "I hope to see these things come to pass, if I am not assassinated before then." This has seriously to be one of the only countries in the world where almost the entire room laughs at a speaker's joke about his own possible assassination.

So now, there are about two more weeks of school left, and just over a month before we leave. It really feels like the year is winding down. We know people are leaving soon, and I think the reality that I'm not coming back next year hasn't fully sunk in yet. Three years is not and is a lot of time to invest in a place. The relationships we have built here are going to, and not going to, end in many ways. The time of transition is coming on, in a way it never exactly has in my life. When I went off to college, it was with the thought that I would still stay connected to friends. And I did. When I left there, it was more of a sudden switch away, and I didn't have the time to really transition. When I came here, tit was originally just a short term deal, and it gradually became three years. Now, we're leaving, and we're heading into another great unknown. I think the unsettling that I feel about that is more than I realized. And I know I can't hold on to here, but I don't have anything tangible I can grab on to and hold for the next stage, except for D. And I'm not much of one for goodbyes, so closing this chapter out is hard and means I turn into her more than I perhaps should at times. I don't want to do things with people, because it reminds me that we'll soon be gone.

I've been thinking more recently on how to be who I am called to be wherever I go. I want to be His child where I am, and I know ways to do that here. I know I need to develop more in that area, especially when we move, but I don't know how. I also feel like I am growing in my understanding of how the larger world works, and that also plays a roll in helping me to understand how to serve as I am called. All of this to say, I don't know how life looks like next, and that makes me unsettled as well.

Why do I bring all this up?

Is it because I want to be whiny and for you to feel pity for me?

Not really.

It's because this is what life is about.

Not knowing, not understanding, sometimes feelingly like nothing ever happens, sometimes feeling like you are lurching along from crisis to crisis, and then other times feeling as though you have everything under control. It's about seeing the path that you are supposed to Walk, and walking it. It's about knowing that by yourself, you are going to live, but that you need to just die so you can truly live. It's about dependency, trust, surrender, and action. It's about waking up in the morning, knowing that the day is sufficient for its own troubles.

It's about keeping your feet on the water.

Asthma

The end of the school year, and my time here, is coming on. I feel like I'm gasping for breath against the tide of tasks, events, and stressors.

Our dads left yesterday, and are currently winging their way home. I think they had a good time. Dad took in the neighborhood of 800 pictures in the 10 days he was here, thank goodness for digital cameras, eh? They got to experience a nearly full spectrum of life in Kabul, including the cancellation of a number of activities and not being able to take our trip to a village up north. Some disappointments, but also a routine-ish part of our life here. "The Dads," as they were known on our campus, got to help D with a number of conversation activities in her classes, and they helped me do an inventory of my equipment, which was very valuable because it would have taken me 4 or 6 hours to do what they did in about 3.

The end of the year is going to be breakneck, with graduation, a software conversion, and people leaving. But it should be a good time of transition out of here as we get ready to go home. Oh yeah, and get married.

I've been working on editing together a video from the beautiful footage a friend shot for us, and the great pictures our co-workers took at the party. Hopefully when I get home you all can see it!

Time for a party!

Our engagement party was last night! We had a great time, and we think a decent amount of our guests did too!

The day started with D and my Thursday morning tradition of breakfast together. Then we started the set up. There were a lot of small details that I won't bore you with, but the basic idea is that we had to set up the tables and chairs under the tents. Yes, our party was out of doors, under two tents, with a divider down the middle so we had a men's side and a women's side. On the women's side, there was also a small stage where we had a head table that had cake! We ended up going back and forth between both sides, we went from the men's side to the women's side semi frequently (mainly just us, almost no other women came to the men's side, and very few men came to the women's side.) to greet the guests and thank them for coming. After the traditional supper, we had a cake cutting and then some traditional dancing. It was quite the sight to see my dad dancing with the locals in their traditional dance!

We had a pretty good time. Once I get my camera with pictures back from the guy who took photos for me, I'll try to put a couple up.

Surrounding

My dad and Diane's dad are here! They are spending about 10 days with us, and it's going to be pretty good. They just got here and are not overly jetlagged so far. We're pretty excited.

Save your breath

I was going to post pictures, but Blogger is not cooperating.

We're back from our whirlwind 4 days in Jordan (Dead Sea, Petra [AWESOME!!!]) and 4 days in Istanbul (Hagia Sofia, Blue Mosque, Topkapi Palace, Grand Bazaar). It was a busy but fun trip. Jordan was pretty good, if a little tiring because of necessary late nights, long drives, and long hike through Petra. My demi-evil twin sister flew over from her home to Jordan and was with us there, and that was pretty cool. Istanbul was good after we finally got into our rented flat (after I yelled at the man on the phone). Istanbul was less hectic, and we had some cool stuff happen to us.

While in Jordan, we went to Mount Nebo, where Moses supposedly looked out over the promised land, and then to Bethany in Jordan. Bethany was pretty interesting because you can go down to the Jordan river, and there is an Israeli tourist spot just opposite. So there are guards on both sides, to monitor the possible Jordan crossing, since at that point, the Jordan isn't much bigger than the creek in my parent's backyard. After that, we went to the Dead Sea. I could float in the Dead Sea's hypersalinated water, which was an interesting experience. After some floating, and comparing the Dead Sea to the freshwater pool at the beach, D and my sister went and bought Dead Sea mud to cover themselves with. That was kind of entertaining. Then we drove to Petra (actually, Wadi Musa, the town by Petra), and the view through the Jordan Mountains was awesome. In Petra, we hiked down the Siq to the Treasury (the big building from Indian Jones and the Last Crusade), which is actually a Nabatean tomb. It's pretty impressive, I will post pictures if I can. I highly enjoyed Petra. After that, it was a 6 A.M. flight out the next day.

We flew to Istanbul, and my nice sister helped us understand the Metro and find our flat. Then we went out to eat at Chilis (D and I go to Chilis in every country [Jordan Chilis - could be the U.S. Seriously.] we visit, so it was a combo Birthday dinner and Chilis visit), after which she flew back to her home. The next day, we went and bought coats (because Istanbul is cold) on the pedestrian shopping boulevard Istiklal Caddeshi in Istanbul, and then went to Sultanahmet Square to get lunch, where we made our Way to a random cafe and had a super-encouraging encounter with an American lady and her friend. We had planned to go to the Hagia Sofia that afternoon, but didn't make it because of our cafe Detour, which was just fine. We went into the Blue Mosque instead. (that's a pretty impressive building, and I thought it was interesting how everyone who was not Muslim had to go to a side entrance to get to the same spot.) The next day, we made it to a crowded Topkapi Palace (where D and I almost succumbed to tourist rage because, well, to be culturalist, Orientals don't have a personal space bubble) and saw a bunch of cool artifacts from the Ottoman period. Then we went to the Hagia Sofia and saw it. The building is impressive. It was the main cathedral of the Byzantine Empire and the Eastern Orthodox Church, then in 1453 the Ottomans turned it into a mosque and removed all the old iconography and plastered over the mosaic walls. There is reconstruction being done, so there were lots of scaffolds, and it is a strange hybrid building. But it's just huge and to think it was built in the 300s is amazing. We also went to the Grand Bazaar and Spice Bazaars in Istanbul, rode around the Metro system and went to a mall. We also took a joyride on the ferry to Asia. It was a pretty good trip, even though the ending was tiring, because we had to travel overnight and get back here at 8:00 A.M.... so we flew through the night.

But it was a pretty great trip, and one that we probably wouldn't be able to take later in life.

Speaking of life...

I'm pretty excited to announce that I have a job for when we get back in the U.S.! I'm going to be working for a network support company in Omaha, a small company with some sharp people, which is exactly what I wanted. I am really excited that such a job has been Provided to me!

And this is all the time I have for writing now, because I have to do some planning work for our engagement party and our dad's visit next week. That's also really exciting, even though it makes our lives pretty busy.

Yet another appropriation of the trees

We're heading out tomorrow! Not to the U.S., but on our last trip around here. D had days off and I had extra because of the great Swine Flu incident, so we decided to go to Jordan and Turkey. We're going to go see the Dead Sea and Petra, and then to Istanbul for a couple days. My demi-evil twin is meeting us in Jordan, so she'll be on vacation with us, too, and probably, with her speedier internet, do a better job of posting pictures for some to enjoy.

I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think I can make some of these projects work, and I am thinking I will not leave here a complete failure. Plus, we got all of our flights for going home booked, I got all of the honeymoon flights booked, and all the hotels. So when we get back, we'll finish planning our party and figuring out what our Dads are going to do while they are here, and then it's the home stretch!

Yay for being almost done!

Russ

If you qualify for a FREE LANTERN...

Sigh. I probably shouldn't be blogging this late, but I want to so hey!

We just got the last bits of our next vacation all booked. It's been a stress-causing ordeal, but I think we have it almost all figured out, except for what we will be doing on which days in Istanbul. Hopefully, I will figure that out tomorrow. And I have to plan my group meeting for tomorrow. It may be real discussion heavy. :)

I've gotten myself re-assigned/volunteered to carline duty, which is good and bad. But it's helping out, which is what I do, so that's ok.

I made lemon chicken for D tonight. It turned out OK.

We have our engagement party invitations and our wedding programs all printed and they look good! D gave the party invites to some of her students, and they were very excited because they got 'real' local invites to a 'real' local party. Planning it is a little stressful, but we're excited.

In our language lesson the other day, we were doing vocabulary words, and one was for a local nAn shop. It turns out that the name of the bakery where you buy nAn is a nAn bUy. They just took the English word for buy and made it the name of the shop. There's funny things like that all over the language.

My appendectomy housemate is doing pretty good. No contact sports yet, but he's up and moving.

I played ball with other staff on Thursday. It was great. I love playing ball, even on our teeny tiny little court.

I picked out a tuxedo for the wedding! And I got flights booked for the honeymoon, super cheap too! A 3 city multi-city ticket from the midwest to the southern coast to NYC and back to the midwest for a touch over 600usd each. It was almost half the cost of just buying one ways, or buying two round trip tickets. Airlines are crazy sometimes.

And now, I go to bed.

Sounds and Trumpets

Wow. I'm getting more and more delinquent in blogging. Where to start...?

We are running an after school basketball tournament with the 7-12th grades, and the teachers have a team. We tried not to be too mean today, but we still won 53-10 (twenty minute game, short court so scores are slightly inflated.) It was overly gratifying.

It's strawberry season here, so my gorgeous fiancee is trying her hand at Strawberry Shortcake. It's pretty good. I got some Friday night, and then more today!

India really was fun. The beach was relaxing and I got to read a couple books, which always makes me happy. We also swam some in the ocean (well, technically the Arabian Sea), and I body surfed on the waves, resulting in only minor salt-water inhalation that left me with a now-conquered sinus infection. I think if we are over here again, we will be spending more time in Goa, even with the hassle that getting a visa is!

One of my housemates had to have an emergency appendectomy last week, and I was drafted to go to the hospital with him and the school nurse. They are both blond. So most of the locals thought I was the interpreter, and after their first couple questions (what is his name? What is his work?), I'd exhausted my language and had to say, [almost literally in the local language] "Don't understand. American." The locals got a kick out of that. The surgery went well, and he got out of the hospital after two days. I do have good blackmail material with the things he said under the influence of his pain meds!

We are getting our wedding programs printed here, after D and I went to a local stationery store and discovered that, along with engagement party invitations, we could turn local wedding invitations into wedding programs for us. So 300 programs is going to cost us somewhere in the neighborhood of 130 dollars. Printed. And good quality. It's pretty awesome.

I am really struggling against checking out, especially on day-to-day tasks, or non-strategic longterm stuff. I really need to fight against that.

Our 'Max bonus' has run out. The local cats have realized that we don't have a dog in the yard anymore, a dog whom I constantly reminded to eat cats, and so the cats are invading. I had to chase one out of the house tonight. They are smart, they can get into our house even if the door is shut, but not latched.

Have you ever thought about what the point of what He means when he says, equivalently, 'Yay! for the poor in... cause look what they get?" Been reading a book that talks about that. Challenging. What do I say to and about those people today?

Mars

Goa was great, we really didn't want to leave. We went for walks on the beach, swims in the ocean, all the fun stuff. Our trip back to Delhi hasn't been so great so far, but I think today here will be better, and I am hoping the trip to the 'Stan is terrific.

We also made some important decisions about what we are going to do after we get married, and hopefully we have His direction guiding us in all that.

In the heat

We are in India! We had absolutely terrific travel out of the 'Stan,
and then in Delhi we went to see Alice in Wonderland in a 3D movie
theater where we sat in leather recliners. It was nice. Now we are
hanging out on the beach with D's cousin, and having a good time.
It's nice to not have to keep track of what time it is.

We were reading about the 11th brother, and wondering if his ten
brothers spoke in their family language or a trade language. It was
an interesting discussion.

The Curtain

KSU! Elite Eight, WOOHOO! Now, we just have to get past Butler and it's our first Final Four in over 45 years! Here's to hoping we get a banner this year!

D and I are in Delhi on the way to Goa. We had a great trip out of the 'Stan yesterday, then when we got here we went to a mall and watched a movie while sitting in big leather recliners,dining on our waiter-provided brownies and ice cream. It was great! This will be a nice relaxing vacation and a needed break out of the 'Stan.

A Fire Upon the Deep

We just celebrated the new year. I went with D to two of her classes, met her students and talked to them to help them practice their English. That was a neat experience. I feel like I've been 'out and about' a bit more of late - I went to the University with a friend a couple weeks ago, and now D's class. It's good.

Work continues. I just had a performance evaluation that was pretty good. I guess either I'm not as incompetent as I often feel, or my boss doesn't interact with me much. Not sure which is which.

We cooked for ourselves a bit over the new year break, since our kitchen staff was off. We can make lemon chicken pretty capably now. Yay us! Mostly unrelated to our cooking, we've also both had a fair bit of random digestive issues in the last week, which has been unpleasant.

Our excitement is increasing for our upcoming trip to India! We are going to be there for a week over spring break. I think we will have a very good time. Beaches and malls. It may not sound the most exotic thing to do, going to India to go to a mall and to a beach, but we are pretty pumped about it. I am splurging a little and buying myself a couple new books for the trip (yay, Kindle!)

We are, little by little, getting our wedding plans shaped up. We've also got the fun of jobs to find, too, which stresses me out more than it perhaps should. Just have to keep the head down and trust.

I've been reading the first book to the people who are also known for their leather, and it's been talking about gifts and roles. I am solidifying more and more my opinions of who I am, and trying to figure out what I need to change. One of the things in my personality that seems to be both a strength and a weakness is that I can, relatively easily, be content, and that contentment sometimes manifests itself as laziness. So I'm content with being a number 2. I'm content with not being the best. I'm content with not being in charge. A good thing in many cases, but sometimes a severe weakness because it means I don't push myself. I'm not self-motivated because why do I need to change? I'm content. How do I change the balance on this and become less content with where I am so I push myself, at the same time not losing my ability to be content generally? Do I even need to change? Argh. Someday I will be perfected.

The choice we all make

I talked at Meeting today. I was worried it was not going to go well, but it ended up fine.

We helped a friend enter in her grades today. It's nice to be helpful.

For supper, we made canned corn, frozen chicken, easy mac, and I ran out to buy naan. We are awesome.

We are doing skype premarital counseling, and let me tell you, this is the strangest premarital counseling I have ever done. That must be what happens when you live in a third world country!

And a dose of ice

Today was another day. We dealt with frustrations about local only travel, had mock Chinese and American food for supper after which I baked cookies for my lovely fiancee. It's been an up and down week - we're ready to get off the compound, and we will be able to get out in just over two weeks. We are looking forward to that.

I'm speaking for our Meeting in a few days, and I'm combining my enjoyment of science with my enjoyment of the elder book. So that should be interesting. Do you know how stupendously awesomely powerful gravity is? It moves entire galaxies! And yet, we can defy it, even if just for a second. But it keeps up its work with, in, and through us.

I find the need for Direction stronger each day. Hopefully the leaps we take will be guided ones, but in the case that we don't get the guidance we want, we'll do the best we can to find it and then leap anyway, trusting that all things will work together.

Quite the pair

D helped me polish up my resume tonight. I am starting to apply for jobs in the U.S. It's kind of a hard waiting game, because I can't really get my hopes up too much yet, since I am not going to be available for a job until mid-August, but at the same time, I don't want to wait too long. It's also hard because we feel we have a leading on where we are going to live in the U.S. but since we don't have family there, it's going to be a leap of faith to go there without a lot of support structure.

Work is going, same as it ever does. I get frustrated at it more than I should, but that's part of the price of life here.

There is so much to think about regarding the future, with a new marriage, new job, new place to live, new meeting place, new almost everything, that sometimes it is hard for me to live in the present. I am focused on becoming too much sometimes, and it comes at the expense of being. I do have to strike the right balance between the two, and recently I fear I am erring too much on the becoming side.

Some days, I wish I had been born a thousand years later.

Lack or jaundice

D and I are planning for our honeymoon and our vacations. It's exciting.

I'm struggling here with some aspects of my job here. Including some people I'm kind of frustrated with. I'm trying to have the proper Perspective, but it is hard.

I've been reading the book to the capital of the empire, and I'm struck by how powerful and powerless sin is, and how both of these are true at the same time. Powerful in that we all suffer under it's law, powerless in that it has been broken by one act, just as it broke us by one act.

I get to speak at meeting week after next, and I think I'm going to talk some about how being called, especially to a place like this, is not always comfortable and can be down right nasty sometimes.

Yay.

We're all fine here.

But this is a little worrisome.

It looks like SOMEBODY's planning for the end of the supply line

We like to be prepared, and if that means we have lots of extra junk food, so be it.  On the plus side, we don't have to worry about running out of some of our favorite things (like instant cake or Jello or M&Ms) soon.  We've been accumulating the stuff on this shelf over the past year or so.

Work is going OK.  Still frustrations, but maybe the expectations were too high. 

I've been working out and am pleased to report that I'm at least not getting fat!

I also stayed up too late reading last night.  Curse the Kindle!  No, wait, don't curse it.

Dawn is coming

Things seem like they are starting to break out of the slow, long slog that is January and February. This is, unaccountably, a Good Thing (tm).

Last night, we had the science teacher's kids over to watch Lilo and Stitch. Watching movies with 7, 5, and 3 year olds is fascinating. You never know what kind of reaction they are going to have to particular parts. I was often tempted to laugh hilariously at mundane lines just to see if the 7 year old would laugh along with me.

It is cold here, but hopefully trending up soon. Not lots of snow - only two days of accumulation and that's only still around in the shade.

I have been doing more management-esque work projects. Bleh. I have a technical one on my desk that my need to 'do it right' is preventing me from getting to. I just need to get in and do it. I was going to do it with Ruby On Rails, but now I'm thinking I may do it with Python and Django.

That's all for now, folks!

Expanse (or What The Prisoner Dreamt Of)

Moody and introspective.

It's not been the best stretch for me. I'm frustrated by living here. I am frustrated at my job.

And I have been thinking.

I am trying to read more these days. One of the things that I have read recently was a collection by Schaffer. One of the things he talks about is how the hillside experience, with a towering chorus and reassurances that they were receiving good news, would have left the shepherds irrevocably changed. I read that and wonder, have I been changed? How often do I, or do I really, evidence that change? Am I the same as I used to be, or have I been changed?

I think this often while I am here. Am I really living as I should? What do I need to do to change? How can I see the fruit of His change in my life?

Perhaps I could just list a list of simple things? But that feels trite and rehearsed, as though I'm listening for an echo of the former things. Perhaps I could look back and see the ways that I have changed? Yet when I do that, I wonder if I am settling for less than the best that could be offered to me, and if I am failing to push on and push ahead.

Sometimes I realize how much I have to grow and mature when I rail against the lack of care and consideration that is put into my life. Then I also fail to really strive after that care, so is it my fault, or the fault of those who I thought would invest that in me? It seems to me that often, here in this context (I speak of a larger context than just my current place and time, but in the life of living outside of one's home culture for the purposes I have chosen), we fail to pursue our own walk with the zeal that we should. I know at times that I say, "I am over here, isn't that enough?" And I think that in many cases and at many times, the answer is no, it is not enough.

I don't think it will come as any surprise to those that know me well that I stress out about the future. When I consider myself, I can't tell if I live in the present or look to the future. I am excited for the future, and just want it to get here. But yet the future also frightens me. I am about to be married. Am I focused on that or am I just focused on getting done with the current state of being single? (Does that question make sens?) Am I talking too much about what is to come without regard for what is now? I need to find a job, and while I have peace about it, I'm also terrified that it's a self-delusional peace born out of my inherent laziness and avoidance of anything even remotely resembling planning?

When I wake up in the morning, I often don't want to get up and go to work. The last time that happened, I feel like it was Him pushing me on. But aren't I doing what I thought I was led to do here? The conclusion I come to, then, is that it is my attitude that is the problem. It's not the people around me that irritate me, it's not the environmental or cultural factors, it's not the job or the boss, it's just me.

How do I resolve this? How to understand, embrace, and walk through the fact that I am not and will never be all that I wanted to be? How to find the truth that I know is out there ready to be grasped if I only would?

I want to be in the company of men given something to say. I guess I have to be one of those for that to happen.

And behind your eyes

Today, we had a celebration of a book that some of our students
contributed to essays. We had a skype call to another continent that
I had to manage. It was kinda fun, we had speakers and a sound system
hooked up, along with a video camera, and we had about 100 members of
our community come. It was a good time.

Last night we had a mini-dance party to celebrate one of the teacher's
birthday. I am not a dance party person.

Woohoo!

What Keeps Us

It's been a busy, and not busy, time since I last posted. I'm working on a project to update our school information system. Well, more accurately, replace it with a new piece of software, and that takes time. And I haven't gotten other projects done that I need to get done. I'm nuts sometimes.

D and I are doing good. We keep each other pretty balanced.

I'm working through depression and trust issues. I Trust that we are going to be taken care of in the future, that I will find a job and that it will be Made better than anything I could imagine or foresee. It's kind of hard to keep the right Perspective on that sometimes. I know I need to do that better, it's kind of hard to figure out how to do that sometimes. I get depressed thinking of how my personality traits can hold me back, instead of focusing on how they can propel me forward.

The older I get, the less clear and straightforward everything is. The less sure I get about anything and everything, and the more I wonder about this world. Not the things not of this world. Those I know.

Ghoti (pronounced fish, really!!!)

I could overload this blog entry with a bunch of random thoughts but I
will try not to do so.

I am trying to figure out, once again, how to adequately prosecute my
role here. I have lots of projects to work on, and must figure out how
to more adequately manage my time, as well as figure out what all I
should do here.

D and I are working hard at wedding planning and life planning. I get
kind of stressed about looking for a job, and she has been a steady
encouragement to me.

I feel like I have been impressed lately with my need to Communicate
and so I am trying to do that better. I don't always do so well but I
am trying to get into the habit of journalling again. Hopefully it
helps me in the Way.

Here we are

Still safe and sound. We had a baby shower for one of the guys who
will be a new dad in about a month. All men's baby showers are
undoubtedly nothing like women's showers.

I've got projects at work I am hoping to get started and finished
soon. I some days lack motivation to get the things done that I don't
want to work on, so I need help for that.

Planning a wedding is not my favorite thing in the world but I know it
will be worth it.

The bottom of this

Well, we're safe and sound here. Lots of fun and exciting things
happened on the other side of the city today, but nothing came close
to us.

I am struggling a lot with work recently, with both doing tasks and
having the motivation to do them. This has been happening at the
start of semesters, so it's not much new, I just need to push through
it.

I am trying out Blogger's e-mail posting for this post, so we'll see
if it turns out well. If it does, this could mean more frequent posts
from me, especially as I am using the new iPod Touch that I splurged
on for myself for Christmas fairly regularly.

D is great. She made me cookies tonight. I think I should marry her.

I played soccer today. I'm still horrible, but not as horrible as I
could be. I think I would enjoy it more if I wasn't so rusty and
could pass and place more accurately.

Finally, I have lots of socks.

It's a choice that we made.

A loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment.

She gets back today! I can't begin to describe how excited I am.

Andvari

Ah, my friend. He's back. I went to bed last night at 9 and woke up at 11:42. At least I got back to sleep periodically through the night, but I'm not 100%. Could be worse. Here's to hoping that I get more sleep tonight.

Oh and to my friend jet lag: I hate you.

The oceans

So, once again, i find myself sitting in Dubai, waiting in the food court, hoping that my flight will leave sometime soon. I am staring to get tired, which is not a good sign for a guy with a flight leaving in 4 hours, and I've already been here 3. I half-wish that I wouldn't have goofed up my tickets, but I think the extra day will have proved worth it, and I have been recovering faster from jet-lag than I used to. So I hope that I will be doing fine for a wile.

I had to leave D in the U.S. She had a different break schedule than me on the back, so she is staying with her folks for an extra week and flying back next week. We don't particularly like not traveling together, but she will need/enjoy the time at home. We are trying to get as much as we can plan planned before we get back to the U.S., and this extra week should bother help her get some of that planning done and give her some more time to relax. We already have the date and place booked, and she has her dress, we have rings and a minister, so really, we're mostly squared away! We are excited about the future but trying to be mindful of the present.

It's an exciting semester ahead, full of all kinds of different challenges and events. I'm glad I have been sent to the place where I have been, and am grateful to have a wonderful woman to spend life with.

I leave you with a ring picture.

She Said Yes!

As of December 30th, 2009, I am an engaged man. I will end that status on July 24th, 2010. Then I will be a married man.

I get to spend my life with a beautiful girl I love. What could be better?

Another Day

Christmas was good. I got a bunch of movies that I had asked for, and the rest of the Office on DVD. I got some books, some chocolate, and some cool T-Shirts from my relatives and my pretty girlfriend. I got my family books, movies, and piano tunings. I got D a pedicure and a necklace. It was a good Christmas.

I'm in StL visiting my uncle's family and my Grandpa. Grandpa is doing good, which is encouraging. I'm on the road a lot this break, but it is nice too. I like driving in wide open country.

So this is Christmas...

I don't think I've ever done this before, but it is Christmas, and I think this would be a great way to help be the reason for Christmas to some needy people.

The dish washer in our dining hall, whom I'll call Z, at school is 19. We think he got through 8th grade in the local schools. He has worked for us for a year and a half now. He is the only one in his family with a job, and has been for the last 3 years, if I understood what he once told me correctly. Two days ago, Z's father died. It was not totally unexpected, but still unfortunate. Z has a mother and two younger sisters that he is still the primary breadwinner for.

Here's why I post this - in local culture, the family has to provide a big meal for the funeral. It is expensive and it can cost up to $5000 which is a lot of money when the primary breadwinner makes about $150 a month. The employees at the school are pitching in to give them money to help out, and it would be great if you would consider giving too. If you would be willing, e-mail me with the amount you would be willing to give, and then I will let our staff in Kabul now. I need a pledge because they have to have the funeral tomorrow.

Please, consider giving to be Him to those who need to know Him.

Hotlanta!

We made it to Atlanta! No problems with customs, YAY! Now one more flight to MCI with D and then we'll be at her home. We are glad to be back in the US!

A restriction of ablation

We are in Dubai! We made it A-OK with minimal problems so far, except for me having to tell several locals at the airport, in the local language, that D is my wife (since they have no word or concept for girlfriend). We made it through with all of our gifts without any hassles, YAY! We will be on the plane to the U.S. soon, please Ask that D's legs don't swell.

Shine with me

Well, it's almost that time. Soon, I will depart.

D and I are pretty excited to be going home. It's been a long, good, hard, couple of months. It will be good to go home and be in a far more relaxing, hopefully far less stressful environment. I am looking forward to seeing my family and spending time with both D and my family.

I will share one really encouraging thing that happened to me yesterday. I've been working on an update to our website, and we've been corresponding with a company about it. There were some things we wanted different with their quote, so I sent them an e-mail about the various things, which I also copied the school director (who is also involved in the project) on. He sent me a back an e-mail saying that I had sent a great concise e-mail, excellent job. It made me pretty excited, because that's the first piece of feedback I can remember receiving in the last 2.5 years about me doing things that are a little outside of my comfort zone and that I was unsure about, where I felt like my boss was in a position to observe and really say I had done a good job. It may seem like a little thing, but it really made my day. D can tell you that I was pretty excited about it.

Not else much to say. Please ask we have safe and hassle-free travel if you think of it. Also ask for some of our staff who aren't leaving for Christmas, especially our science teacher and his family.

We'll be back home (well, I'll be at D's so close to Home) in the U.S. in under 40 hours!

Subtle sound layers

At this time in one week, I hope to be heading back to America.

It's easy to answer, "Yes, I am going home for Christmas!" when people ask, but what, in reality, is home?

The longer I live, the less I find it easy to define home.

Is home a place? Is home my room in my parent's house? Is home the town I spent most of my life in? Is home my room here in the 'Stan? Is home being with my family? Is home being with D? Is home a state more than a place?

Is there peace to be found on earth, and is that peace really home? Is there really to be joy to the world?

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I don't recognize who is there. It's not just that I'm getting older, that I've put on weight, that my hair is growing out [no, not on my face, Mom, don't be worried]. It's that in ways subtle and ways gross, I have changed in the last two and a half years.

So what is home? Is it a place that didn't change while I did? If that's true, I can never go home, because it always changes. Is it completely subjective or is it quantifiable? Is it my home culture, or is it the strange amalgamation that I have come to live in?

Then I wonder why finding home is so important.

Because when my wonderings are at the end, I know where my home is. My home is not in the world, my home is not in the things that will not last, my home is not in the falsehoods that I put stock in, my home is literally where my heart is. I have set my heart in things worthwhile, and things that will last. My home will Last.

Heaven and nature sing.

Happy Birthday!

I wanted to use this blog update to say,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!

Dad, you're great. You've always been supportive of me in big decisions, and you've been a great encouragement to me times when I've been frustrated here. You taught me lots of lessons earlier that have really paid dividends here, and I'm so grateful for that. I miss getting to hang out with you, watch movies and play games. I'm really excited to get some time to do that in a couple weeks! I hope you have / are having a great birthday!

I love you,

Russ

The longest sounding statement

There will always be things here that I am still growing in my understanding of.

What to do when...

...you don't understand the decisions that other people make which affect you.

...you wonder why this thing I want isn't going to happen.

...you wonder how to deal with situations that come up and make you angry and are powerless to deal with here.

...you try to figure out how to be the man you need to be.

But in all these things, and through all these things, there are constants. There are things that we Know, and those are the things I will hold on to.

There are day to day things that encourage me. I had the Jr. High boys for basketball yesterday, and it went fairly well. They may not like that we drill for 1/2 an hour before playing for 1/2 an hour, but I can see improvement in their skills, and I keep emphasizing to them that if they get better, they will be able to have more fun in more situations. They're pretty good kids most of the time.

Please Remember a friend that D has, who is going through a difficult time and who we don't know how to help in the constraints of the culture here. Please Ask that we would make it through 2 more weeks until we get to leave, and that we would be able to be refreshed while home.

Reflections

Today was kind of a sad day.

We'd been given an ultimatum that we had to relocate our dog, Max, or we would have to have him put down. So we searched and searched and searched, trying to find a good home for him. The few people that seemed interested didn't end up wanting him. We were getting close to the deadline.

Then today, our chaoikidar (basically, our gate keeper and grounds keeper) found out we had to send him away and said, "I will take him!" Yay! Max likes him, which was one of our worries, and we know he won't make him into a fighting dog, which was our other worry. So today, Max went home with his new owner. Kind of sad, but really good that he's going to a good home and will be able to stay alive.

Yet I'm going to miss him.

Time out of mind

Today has been a good day.

Where to start?

Yesterday.

Yesterday, we had the science teacher's kids come down to D's house and we baked cookies for our guards for Eid. Since the kids are 7, 5 and 3, it was an adventure.

Next, we went over to our friend's house for supper, and then played some on a Wii that they had borrowed from other friends. I did pretty decent at Wii bowling. But Wii tennis was really fun.

Then we came back to campus and helped the science teacher's family decorate their Christmas tree. That was really fun. It's nice to feel at least a peripherally a part of someone's family.

Then, today, it was D's birthday! YAY!

This morning we went visiting some of our local friend's houses for Eid. This was the first time in over two years here that I have been visiting for Eid, and it was fun! I don't speak near enough of the local language to be able to communicate, but I can almost pick up on things. One of the places the father, a very kind man, kept trying to make me eat! I said, "Five Minutes" [in the local language], hoping that I could take a break for 5 minutes because I had been eating. He laughed, and then said that since I was a guest, I needed to eat every minute! So I had an apple. It seemed to placate him.

When we came back, we had lunch and then I got ready my surprise for D's birthday...

A scavenger hunt!

She liked it. At the end were some gifts that I had worked with her mom to send over, including two seasons of a TV show she really likes. So we watched some episodes. Next we worked on starting to pack some clothes that D is going to take back to the U.S. at Christmas. Then we went out to eat for her birthday. We went out with friends to the Indian Restaurant. It took an hour to get there, and included driving up the side of the mountain to try to avoid a traffic jam! Then we had dinner which was really good.

Finally, while D and I were sitting on my couch after we did Advent reading and candle lighting, I saw a mouse in my room! Arghh!! So I trapped him behind my dressers and hopefully can try to get him out later. I won't be like my friend and try to shoot him dead with a shotgun.

So that was today. It was a good day.

Giving of Thanks

Yesterday was the 1 year dating anniversary for D and I! We celebrated by going out to a restaurant and having a nice date. Sometimes it is hard to believe we have been dating a year with all that has happened, but we have! I really like her. I told her we will have to keep this up for at least another year. :D

Today has been a good day. We got up this morning and went to the U.S. Embassy for the disorganized, not-really-an-event Turkey Trot. 5.3k. I got 4th! Unfortunately, there was no timer, but I don't think I could possibly have been much better than a 25. Oh well.

Then we came back to school, and I played in a staff flag football game. 8 guys, we had a good time. I threw 4 TD passes in my team's losing effort. None too shabby. Except I didn't do great on defense (not used to trying to grab flags.)

Finishing baking cookies followed, and then our staff thanksgiving dinner. It was good. Afterwards, we watched a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and Charlie Brown and the Mayflower Voyagers (which was amazingly historically accurate, but strange and weird to see Adults in a Peanuts cartoon.) before I took our science teacher's two older boys home (the teacher,his wife and their two younger girls had already walked home.) This short, 2 minute walk involved a conversation with the 5 year old I was carrying about how he could see my breath but not his, the 7 year old asking why D and I don't live together, the 5 year old asking me why I liked D, all the while he's pulling my collar down, exposing my neck and upper chest to the cold air, while the 16 year old girl who lives on campus in the same house as the boys is giggling hysterically. It was good.

I just got a new update for my Kindle that includes native PDF support and manual page orientation rotation. I think that could be good. We'll have to see.

Finally, work is going OK, I have a project and some direction now which is great!

Happy thanksgiving everyone!

It's Curtains for the Andromeda Galaxy!

Today was the last edition of my administering the test of English for non-native speakers. YAY! It went really well this time, in fact the biggest problem is that it went so well that I that I have nothing to complain about and get sympathy for! :(

School started back up yesterday, and it is kind of a relief. That was a bit too much time off. We have about 30 more days in country before we head out for the Christmas break. We're making it. Out security got lifted a touch so we were able to go over to our friends' last night. That was really nice, they are really fun people. We've hung out with people a lot the past few days, which has been good after the lower people quotient over the H1N1 break. D and I went over and had Indian with our science teacher's family Friday, and that was a lot of fun. We baked cookies with their kids (and then proceeded to eat too many of them) and shared funny stories.

I had Jr. High boys basketball today. It went really, really well. I think if it would not have gone well, I would have been alot more down, but it went great.

I played in a volleyball tournament last friday. My team got dead last. I don't do too well playing on horrific teams. I can handle decent, I don't do flat out bad well.

D and I are also taking language lessons with some other folks. The more I learn, the more I realize how idiomatic English is. I also have a fear of having an 'aha' moment and getting alot of the pieces put together right before I leave. That would be tragic.

I was reading Schaffer today while I was administering the english test. I am really enjoying what I am reading. He says a lot about understanding realism and how the Message really and truly is realistic. I think I will enjoy the rest of the messages that I have from him.

Finally, I leave you with a thought from him. Sometimes we look for all or nothing from people, when instead we should have realistic expectations from the fallen people we deal with.

Smith and Redouble

We keep on rolling, even as the tide seems to break on the shore.

We keep on finding, even as the lost mount up beyond what they can bear.

We keep on singing, even as the drop comes up faster than we thought.

We keep on meaning, even as the triumph of our brothers is proclaimed.

We keep on slowing, even as the pile around us feeds off of its inertia.

We keep on winning, even as the adversaries try to pull us down.

Arctic Failings

The weather is starting to turn here. It is colder and colder. Of course, in my hot box of an office, I am wearing a T-Shirt. This is going to be great when the cold really hits. I have been working a little, doing some of my tasks as well as doing some troubleshooting for our sister organization that D works with. Not a lot, but enough to stay kind of busy.

We made the menu for the break (since the cook stayed [and Hallelujah for that! Since we haven't been able to go out and shop, pickings would be getting mighty lean] but had no menu), and it includes mostly food we like. Except the chili. Beans are doing worse (or better) at doing a number on my stomach, so that's been slightly uncomfortable tonight.

I have been reading a decent bit, thanks to the magic of the Kindle. That device has been so handy. I am glad I purchased it.

Please continue to remember this country. There is so much going on here, I don't think I could explain the bits I understand, and I definitely couldn't make heads or tails of a lot more that I don't know about. Interesting things, and Work to be done here.

All I'll ever need, the Nerve, the Greed...

I live in a country where the government suddenly mandated that schools must take three weeks off to prevent the spread of disease that no one was really talking about 5 days ago. Now everyone is walking around with masks. Oh, what controversial election? People have died in the last month. Never mind that epidemic TB, we might have H1N1!

So, lots of teachers are taking advantage of the three week break and leaving. D's organization is not being forced to take off, though, so they are still here. I decided to not leave her, so I am here too. I should be able to get some projects done.

I was talking to one of the teachers today, he used to coach basketball so we have swapped stories occasionally. He told me today about one time he got a technical. He said they were in a game that they were losing, in part due to inconsistent refereeing, so he called time out and sent one of his players in and told him, "Guard the ref. Don't let him get the ball." Player goes in and smothers the ref. After a minute of this, the ref stops play and comes over to talk to the coach, saying, "What's going on?" Coach says, "I'm sorry, he must be confused. I told him to guard the person who was hurting us the most." T.

Taxicab Walrus Fifteen

Sigh. We're on lockdown again.

But I do not doubt the rightness of my being here.

68

Things around here seem to be heating up a bit. Unfortunately, not the temperature. It would be much appreciated if you would take the time to Remember us and this country when you have the chance. We came this far, so we look to tear the curtain.

Copy pasta and salad

So, I fought with some equipment all day yesterday and finally had it thinking it was working, took it over and...

Found out later it wasn't working.

Fortunately, I have psychic debugging skills, so from across campus, I was able to diagnose the problem and fix it.

My ego inflates more and more every day.

Shake king

We had an earthquake here at midnight the other night. I was having a dream about the campus getting attacked, so when I woke up to a shaking bed and realized, in my not exactly awake state, that there was an earthquake occurring, I had the following dilemma -

'Stay in bed and hide from the bad guys and let the house come down around me, or jump out the window and get shot?'

I stayed in bed. Ah, the desensitization continues.

She goes

Another week, another book. I've been reading a bit more this year with my new Kindle than I did last year, but I don't mean I've read another book this week. More that I could put all of this in a book.

But nothing really has happened to me. It's mostly been external. This place is... moving. I'm not sure how, but it is moving.

Lots of folks are sick, but I've managed to avoid that so far. D got hit a little today, and didn't have the best day. That's life here sometimes. Oh well.

And the Chiefs finally won! Yay!

A sound occupation

We, the teachers, faced off against the high school boys today in soccer. Well, I should say, we the male staff, faced off against the teacher as our school's choawkidar (like gatekeeper and maintenance guy wrapped into one) and our European security manager played too. We beat the boys 4-1. It was pretty fun, except the one time I got mad at the student who kept trying to do a swim move to get around me and his hand kept striking low. Not one of my finer moments, but the kid needed to stop it.

Work has been going. I struggle at times with the lack of direction, and with the need to integrate the different aspects of the job (help desk, network administrator, and school technology coordinator) together. I think I mostly do OK, but it is still a struggle. I'm slowly checking off major projects, though, and that is encouraging.

We're doing a study right now led by our local association's leader that is really fascinating about the history of the prevalent system here. It's a lot of looking at history and trying to avoid polemic slander. The gent who is leading it has a deep knowledge of this stuff, and while he's making us do a lot of reading, I feel like I've learned a lot that will help me as I continue to walk in this place.

I think this is kind of angsty 14 year old to do, but I mentioned in the last post how I really liked Thrice's new album. So I'm going to put up some of the lyrics from At The Last in hope that maybe my readers will gain some appreciation for why I like it so much.


I'm a good man on the whole.
Who can blame me for the guilt of another one?
I never killed, I never stole.
A small indulgence now and then -- so what of it?
I'm a good man.
I'm a good man.
Am I a good man?
I thought I was...

The rewards of this life now count for naught.
My body soon buried and left to rot.
Good times gone -- how quickly -- an honest past.
Now I see how I've squandered each and every breath!

Attention to those in the lounge chair!

Exhalation. I am done with the teaching experience for this year! I am exceedingly glad. It ended OK, but I am not cut out to be a teacher for my fulltime occupation. I am very glad that when I was initially offered a teaching position here, I felt no compulsion to take it.

I am back to working my regular job, and trying to get caught all up and get projects finished and started. The whole bit like that. I need to buckle down and get some initial projects squared away, and I'm hoping that happens this week.

I've got basketball for the kids going now. I had 3rd and 4th grade basketball yesterday. It's a lot of fun. Those kids are great. I may be not doing high school regularly, with one of the other teachers picking that up and me doing Jr. High. That would be OK with me. The high school kids are not the most tractable, and don't exactly want to listen to my instruction and help. The Jr. High kids are better.

I really like Thrice's new Beggars album. A lot. I'm not really sure why, either. I just do.

There are a lot of trials, little and big, to being here that I would like to whine about. Instead, I want to ask that you Remember D as she starts teaching her classes this week. She's been waiting, and is excited to be finally starting again.

Apnea

I got Chevelle's new album, and I like it. Some times it sounds like their earlier albums, at other times it has a very personally enjoyable flavor of Deftones.

I'm almost done with classes, and I will be glad to be done.

I was disappointed tonight when we had pecan pancakes (which I can't eat), and just a little bit of scrambled eggs when I got to supper from language class. But my exceedingly cool girl made me EasyMac. Thanks, D!

I had the first day of 5th and 6th grade boys basketball. We didn't get to play because they are not the best at paying attention and doing what they are told, but eventually they will understand that. I hope.

So why has my life made no sound?

Hills of Acorns

Yesterday, we were driving over to a friend's house and we saw a turkey in the middle of the street. D thought that was great. I wish I could have caught it.

I am about 12 rice patties short of a flag.

It is fall break here, but I have been working since I have had projects that I could catch up on while everyone was gone and no one was bothering me, and because I am working now, our gracious director has agreed to allow me to flex days to some other part of the year, so D and I are thinking about maybe taking some personal time and taking a mini-vacation to Goa at some point later in the year. That would be fun.

I have been doing more preparation for the bane of my existence, our internet-based english test. It has hated on me again, and is refusing to set up properly. GRR. Other than that, I have almost everything that I wanted to get done over this break done. And I still have another day and a half to work.

Tonight, I am going over to some folks' house for supper. After that I am going to read more on my book, and start in on Jericho, which Brandon lent me. I am almost all done with The Office, Season 4, which D got me for a present. She's pretty great.

With the holiday here, I have been pondering a lot about how poor I have done at developing relationships with our local staff. Other epeople get invited to go places for the holiday, and I don't. Oh well. Maybe I'll figure it all out later.

Of you

Wow. I realize I have not posted in a while. Sorry.

Updates. D is here! I am pretty happy. We've had a pretty good time so far, there was a little frustration about her housing that has been taken care of. She's just started to get a little trickle of work, but needs to get more direction. That's something you could Remember for her.

My teaching is... going OK. I'm not convinced I'm the greatest at this, the kids don't seem to be learning as well as I would like. I wish I had more training at this. It's really frustrating to have some kids that are in an 8th grade class that are at a second grade english reading level. I don't want to leave them behind, but I don't know how not to. My physics class is pretty OK. Fortunately for me and the kids, the guy I am subbing for is on track to be back soon, so the qualified one will soon take over.

The rest of my work is behind. I wish I could keep both up, but I just have not been able to. :(

Please remember this country. There are some interesting times ahead for it. It's hard to really explain without understanding some of the cultural stuff here, but here's the easiest way to explain it. The western media is portraying the current political process as a critical event, a potential turning point. It's not seen by the people here that way. People didn't participate in the process, not because they were scared, but because they fundamentally don't see the point. We come in with our western cultural bias towards peaceful democracy, and that just doesn't fit their worldview at all. So the situation will be interesting, but not for the reasons many people think.

Finally, I am playing fantasy football this fall, and I just won my first game. Against my on-campus rival who got me into the league, no less. Yay! Last year I was 2-14, so this is a decent start, I hope.

No more colander

D came back! I am now a happy guy. Not that I wasn't happy before, but I am happier now. :)

Classes are going OK. Not the best they possibly could or anything, but they are going OK. Physics is better than Physical Science, but I think a large part of that is the smaller class.

I have been working out and am semi-pleased with the results so far.

I have been thinking more and more about the context of where I am, and how it could be changed. How I wait for that day.

Home

Soon, I think this place will feel like home again.

The first week of classes went well, I think. We had an aha moment regarding unit conversion and why time dilation does not affect, in a measurable sense, a pilot who breaks the sound barrier. That was great.

I went out to eat with friends last night, and while it was fun, it was not as fun as it could have been since D was not here. Oh well, that will change soon enough.

The country has been quiet of late. Please join me in continuing to ask that it stays that way.

In the cool of the day

Teaching, then.

I have two classes to teach for the month of September. One is a physical science class of 20 eighth graders. It's going to be interesting. My grasp of the content is less than I wish it were. I don't doubt my ability to impart the knowledge to them, whether I can actually teach them anything is a different story. The other class is 3 high school juniors in physics. I think I will be able to do this better. I hope. They're decent kids, but again, I know I need to try to stay ahead of them. We'll see.

I also have a lot of other to get done. I still don't have the computer lab completely ready, although it is fairly ready, and is mostly usable. I'm hoping I can get the rest of it squared away in the next couple days. I probably should have done more work on it tonight, but after working at least 5 hours every day in the last 10 and putting in three days in a row over 11 hours, I decided that I could not push today to 12 hours. So I came home. I'm kinda tired of work right now, but lots of that also comes from being overwhelmed. I am hoping to be out of this season soon.

And D COMES BACK SOON! :) :) :)

Scot free

Yay.

I've been working way too much trying to get the new computer lab finished before school starts. I say way too much because I was hoping this would have been done by now. Oh well. At least I still have one more day. I'll need it.

I have not been doing the best at socializing with our new staff. I need to do better at it. I'm just not putting enough effort into it right now, I guess.

I miss D a lot, and can't wait for her to get back.

I want to be where He abounds.

Trials to fit

Today. This was a good day. I got a good chunk of work done, I still have a daunting amount to get done before school starts, but that's OK. We do what we must because we can.

There's a kind of simplicity in what is happening here right now. Do not mistake me, the situation of the country I live in is far from simple, and I am not so naive to think that it is easily explainable. However, as I look back in history across our world, this is a situation that has played itself out half a thousand times in the last fifty years. Not with all the nuances and not as though one could look at history as a simple guide for how to navigate the waters. No, I did not say the situation is simple, just that there is a kind of simplicity in it. I think what it comes down to is thus: how important is all of this 'history' we let ourselves get caught up in?

What else should we expend our lives on?

This simple thing is a far cry from what I see around me.

I chose to open myself to being poured out daily, and if I burn at both ends, I burn twice as bright and do my best to be joyful for the opportunity.

Amnesty, please. Amnesty from all that drags down, amnesty from the pettiness I let myself become steeped in, amnesty from the ashes that steel me, amnesty from the words and the lies and the threats, amnesty that I don't deserve.

Song sound so much sadder when you realize the hope behind them has given out. I refuse to drown in that sea.

Not much

Well. We made it through yesterday. I am Thankful.

I'm sorry for not posting more. I've been pretty busy with meetings, set up of new equipment, and trying to socialize. Yesterday, I played soccer with my fellow staff members for a couple hours. I am now sore. I am out of shape.

D comes back soon. I like talking to her, but I wish she was here.

It's hard to know what to do in this place sometimes. I just walk as I feel led, and hope that if I'm going the wrong way, I will get directed.

Don't worry now

So. Electricity here is 220. Computers just arrived from the U.S.? 110. PSU go pop. My ears struggle from compression wave. I need to get PSU repaired.

Nose has been bleeding a lot. Dry air plus my bad nose... not a good combination.

I have a great sense of peace about being here now. That's been huge for me lately.

I was right

I finished Hunters today. Or maybe it was Sandworms. Either way, the book discussed in the earlier post.

And I was right. My gosh. It's like the writers didn't read DUNE or decided that one of the things which seemed to me to be Frank Herbert's ENTIRE POINT in writing the series was not worthwhile. Major characters and their deaths were totally wasted, instead of treating them like FH did (end of Children of Dune, Emperor of Dune, or Chapterhouse, anyone?), the characters are just... wasted. And why did you lobotomize Teg and Duncan? Or Sheeana. Or even Bellonda and Murbella, for that matter? I'm sorry, but FH's characters were not that stupid. Argh. I guess I'm just not the audience for the book, but that was a waste of my money. I should have just read them from the library.

Sigh. New people got here today. We played some ball. I am out of shape.

Disappointments in literature

Frank Herbert's DUNE is one of my favorite books. Yes, there is some crazy stuff in there, but when you combine it with the next two books, it becomes more and more brilliant. Personally, I enjoy all of the first six books in the series, and don't have the distaste that some DUNE fans do for 4, 5, and 6.

I'll even say about some of the new series that Frank Herbert's son Brian, and Kevin J. Anderson, that it wasn't bad. The "House" prequels and the Butlerian sequence weren't bad. They weren't Dune and they messed around with some of the mythos, but they were not bad, if read as adventure novels set in the Dune universe, not Dune books.

The latest series, Sandworms of Dune and Hunters of Dune? I'm sorry Mr. Herbert and Mr. Anderson, but I think they are rubbish. Now, I admit that I haven't finished Hunters yet, so maybe I'm judging too early, but, is this really what Frank Herbert intended? I'd pay good money to get a released, unedited copy of *his* notes for Dune 7 to find out how much of this you've invented to use characters from your other books, and what exactly his ideas for the Enemy and the Face Dancers, Futars, and most importantly to me, Idaho, Bashar Teg and the No Ship crew were. The only part that I can see that would have come from FH is the explanation of the Honored Matres, that sounds FH. The rest of it, with Omnius? Erk. The Teg/Idaho/Teg parts of Heretics and Chapterhouse were my favorite, and you've failed to recapture that in Sandworms and Hunters. And what's up with Murbella? She's so far from Odrade or Jessica that I have no idea how she would possibly hold this merged organization together, because she's one dimensional and transparent.

Sigh. I got that off my chest. I feel better now. I can't wait to finish this book so I can find out how you tie the Overmind into the Golden Path.

The beautiful word of saving face

So I think there is an impending correlation between disenfranchised supporters of Henry the VIIth and the near-apocalyptic literature coming from Laotian fishermen. Perhaps there might also be a smattering of monochromatic Stygian paintings with supply-side economics circling the sidecar.

I've been kind of busy, trying to get my IT stuff started running well for next year. We haven't had lots of people on campus so far, but that will change soon. My jet lag isn't too bad, compared to other times. I got 6.5 hours of sleep last night! Yay!

I'm trying to think of mean things to do for hazing for the new people. Does this make me over the top?

I've been Reading and wondering some lately about how do we pursue that which we have an intellectual knowledge of but don't seem to quite have the visceral understanding of.

John Wayne's Safety

Ah.

I'm back in the 'Stan.

I told D this morning that every other time I've come into the country after a summer or xmas break, I've been freaked out or stressed out about coming back in. This time I was excited. I am so excited for what is going to be done this time around. I'm really going to miss D for the first month while she's still in the U.S., and there are some other things to be uncertain about, but I'm really excited to see what is going to happen here. Not just with the political situation, but in the lives of people I know.

Jet lag is making me fuzzy, so I'm going to try to do some physical projects, moving and rearranging things various places, mainly so I stay awake. Because I can feel that state being... slippery right now.

Oh, and I want to lose 5 pounds of fat in the next month. I'm hoping to get myself into some kind of routine.

Back again. No more detours.

People.

I find watching people in airports interesting.

I also find the third watch of the day intriguing.

Storification

So, I'm in Hot-lanta. And it is hot!

I'm on the way out. I fly to Athens first, then on to Dubai, then the 'Stan. My last leg should be quick. Lots of great things from the U.S., but I won't bore you with lots of out-of-context stories. Yesterday, I left my family and today, I left my girlfriend and then I'll leave my homeland. That's what happens in life, I guess, so I guess I have to get used to it. But I know that my Home is somewhere I'll never ever leave.

I think the truth of the life I live is this - I am to be used where I am to go. So I just look for the way to be used.

Trills of wind

I had a really great with with D. We had fun visiting her friends and being with her family. We hung out and enjoyed each other and had some really great conversations. We both said it's great how well we get along since we do spend so much time together.

My trip continues. I decided to make the drive to see my grandpa after I ended my time with D and her family, so I'm at my uncle's house. Going to be with grandpa tomorrow morning after a short visit earlier tonight, then head back out. Assuming that the shock which went out on my car (electrifyingly enough) is able to get fixed straight away tomorrow.

What if you heard that peace is real? What if I told you there was a better way? Would you come Home if you knew the way?

One destination

Spending time with D where she went to college. Meeting peoples' friends is always interesting. I wonder how we get to be friends some times. I wonder if things will ever change. It's something how I've come to look at things through different eyes. It's also interesting how much growth it would take me to be able to live somewhere like here. I'm far more introverted than some people realize, I think sometimes, and it would take growth to be able to live here.

Been pondering that even when evil is used for good, it still has to be punished.

A new thing which has come into my mind is how sometimes I look back in wonder and I think to myself, "Where'd you go?" Being here with D where she went to college makes me wonder how my life could have been different, but isn't. I find new face and new freshness in the reality that I am here, not there, but here. And I was led here, though it may not have been what was intended from the start, it is where I am.

None today

My knee is getting better. I went down on rollerblades the other day. I ran this A.M., though, so good sign there.

We're spending time with D's family and friends. They are a rather enjoyable bunch, and they put up with me pretty well, which I like.

After Meeting on Sunday, D and I got to go for a walk and talk about what we heard. That was really great.

I think a lot about all the different ways I am blessed. Health, wealth, great family, great job, great girlfriend. All good things. But I don't think often enough about all the other ways that I am blessed. And those are even better.

Good news. It's not about forever later, it's about forever today.

Centrifugal and Angular Motion

We went to a carnival last night. And rode on a super turbo ferris wheel, plus a super slide, plus a ride where there is a central pillar with arms having cars at the end, which you are then propelled circularly around the central pillar and, once reaching a good rate of speed, then the arms begin to raise and lower. I almost got sick.

I've been really pushing numerous people that I have seen since returning to consider going overseas, whether to the 'Stan or to another place, and I would like to continue that challenge to those who read this blog.

Also been thinking about how I present myself to the One, as I don't want to proclaim my name in His presence, but instead want to come forth in humility.

Otherwise, they should dump him.

We went to the garden of eden today. Highlights included Eve's hips, and the tour guide, "Why would you want to port your potty?" and...

Other Guest is it like a sauna in there?

Nara It's about a 9 on the portapotty scale.

Other Guest ...

Call now!

So, jetlag. I had been doing OK until yesterday, then I took a nap during a movie then a little longer, so then I woke up at 3:50. Yay. That's OK, I've got electricity at least, eh?

Fourth of July was fun, I only almost killed myself once, so that was a plus. I'm kind of staying lazy, not really doing a whole lot. I am planning to run every morning, and that should help me be a little more in shape and have a little more energy. I got new running shoes the morning I got back so I could go run. I like running.

I'm pathetic. But I'm excited get to see D in 3 days!

Chowking

So. We are out of the 'Stan. After a three and a half hour delay, a flight with no food, we are in the hot, sticky-ness of Dubai. We fly to Moscow next, then to Atlanta, then to KC. And then I'll fly onto the folks from there.

We did get to go through the new airport terminal flying out, but some minister came in while we were waiting, so we had to go out and get re-screened. It was kind of ridiculous, like I said we waited for 3 and a half hours, including half on the ground.

But, now, after getting supper, we are going to make a quick shopping trip into Dubai, then back to the airport to fly out. We are going to have fun on this trip, no matter what it takes. That is why I brought my friendly lemur companion. D has already had it bite my nose a couple times.

It was kind of sad to leave the summer school kids today. I did get mob-hugged by a bunch of the 1-3 grade boys, which was interesting.

D's legs and feet are really hurting, so please Remember them for the rest of our... 24 hour trip. Thanks!

We have already won

... and what a great victory it is.

So yesterday we prowled around the new house on campus which is still under construction. I had to jump onto the wall since they had locked the compound, so that was fun. It's going to be a nice place. I won't live there, but it will be nice for whoever moves in.

Two more days here. I'm not going to get my new computer lab all fixed, which is a little disappointing but I just can't get it all wired. Oh well.

They were young once, too.

We're coming up on the last week of summer school, and my last week before heading out of the country for my summer vacation in the U.S. It's been a pretty good couple of weeks, I haven't gotten as much done as I should have, but that's OK. I've had a good time, but I'm ready to go.

Today, I played volleyball twice, once in the morning with a fun group, and once in the evening with a different, also fun group. I hung out with D (kneading bread!) and got some work done in my office.

I'm getting close to knowing that I know less than I thought I ever wanted to.

Reliquaries

Ah, the interesting things that happen in life - the sometimes seemingly random connections. D and I went over to eat with a family tonight, D works with the mom at her job, and we were discussing life histories. It turns out that I know some people that she went to college with! Halfway 'round the world, and you run into people that you have mutual friends with. It's strange.

Summer school is going pretty well, although I still struggle with how to work with the Planets, the youngest kids. At least the Stars (1st-3rd grade) and I get along great!

It's time to visit the planetarium.

Can't climb back in

More of life. Summer school is going well, although I never quite know how I'm going to get through half an hour with the Planets (the pre-k through K group). Kind of been on a cleaning/moving spree everywhere - I'm a third moved into my new office, and now have to wait for the maintenance guys to move into my old office so I can move the rest of the way into my new office. D and I cleaned out her kitchen and got rid of a bunch of old food and spices. And I rearranged and cleaned up my room. We're just a clean happy group here!

Understanding unit mulitplication

Well.

One week of summer school is done. Two more! And no more math for Mr. Newcomer!

D and I rearranged her house's living room, and it looks really nice. So we had people over for supper and ordered delivery. It was nice.

I am tired. So I'm going to bed.

Russ

40 out of 40

Day 4 of summer school is done. Today was also my last day having to teach math to 4th-6th graders. Yay! Now it's just PE for Russ. So I'll have to plan PE better now. Oh well. It's summer school PE. Tomorrow is easy because it's Dodgeball day! Actually, I take it back - it's easy for the 1st-6th graders. It's pretty hard for the pre-K and Kindergarten students.

I'm working more on getting the computer lab moved. It's exciting. They're working on the power and we'll get network cable ran soon. There is more room in the lab than we had drawn up, so the lab will be nice and spacious.

I played volleyball for two hours tonight with our national staff against our guard force. It was pretty fun. I can count lots better in the local language now, I think. I had some pretty nice blocks, and a couple of decent spikes. Some of our guards were really good.

D and I went out to eat with some of our friends to a local restaurant. It was fun. It was nice to have enough people to go out with - D and I can't really go out by ourselves to local restaurants, so this was the first time we had gone and sat down at this particular one. It was good.

Tomorrow is movie night! And I'll probably start moving more of my office tomorrow.

The Little Birds

Ah, summer.

The kids are gone for another few days, school is out, and I have been busy. I've been wrapping up the end of the school year tasks (computer returns, clearing out old accounts, some very minor infrastructure things) and then I've been working on the old/new computer lab. I wrote up a proposal that my bosses accepted to move our computer lab from 17 to 24 computers, and from our current small lab to a larger room downstairs. So I cleared out the old lab, and then over the next few weeks as painting and infrastructure work gets finished, I'll move the lab downstairs. I'm pretty excited about that.

After I get the lab moved out of my office, I get to start moving into my new office! Our key network infrastructure, server, battery-backup system, backbone switch, firewall, and satellite connection, is spread across two adjacent rooms, a server/storage room and the maintenance office. We're going to consolidate the equipment into one room, and then move my office into the other room, and move the maintenance guys to my office (which is next door to the existing rooms). So after the lab is moved, and a couple cabinets are moved to the new lab, I'll start moving my stuff to the server/storage room, then after I leave the maintenance guys can move their stuff to their new office. Then when I come back, I'll move the server and set up my new office.

I'm helping with summer school, serving as PE teacher and helping with other classes also. It's up to Grade 6, so we should have a good crew and a good time. D is still working, and we'll leave together the first part of July.

Yesterday was a sad day - the first of my closer friends here left, not to return next year. Other friends left as well, and that's sad. D and my closest friend here is leaving on Sunday, and that will probably be the saddest day. That's one of the hardest things about the way my life is currently - people keep leaving. Even though there are ways in our modern world to stay connected, it's still sad when they leave.

I need to get back to work now, but I hadn't posted a substantial update for a while, and I figured it was time.

Before you go

So, there is only one half day left in the school year. It definitely feels different than last year. Since I'm staying to help with summer school until July 1st (and spend time with D, who doesn't finish her contract until then either), I'm not part of the imminent countdown everyone else has. That makes their countdown a little annoying, but I deal.

Tonight, D and I babysat for my neighbors, our science teacher and his wife, since we won't get to see their kids for a couple months with the summer and their staying in the states a little longer for their new addition to join the family. We had a great time. Two great moments - once when the three year old girl just started telling me part of the Story, and another when I tried to explain to the seven year old why staring at bright lights was bad for you, and why staring at the distant sun was worse than the nearby ceiling light.

I'm a little stressed, but I know I'll make it through these next few days until the majority of people leave. Then it'll be time for summer school. I haven't really even planned anything for that. I'm doing PE. Our summer program is half day, and has a space theme, so probably instead of Trees we'll play Asteroid Fields, and instead of freeze-tag, we'll play gravity-tag.

I am more and more reminded that I need to GROW. Not just to be who I was, but to change to what I need to be. I'm really not all that spectacular of a person right now, but I should be. All glories to the King on the Throne.

Steel Guitars

What can we find in the simplicity of a wall? Not always the quiet that we want, but often the comfort that we need. Sheltering and protecting us, insulating us from the world around, and often far finer than the world around, it can be a comfort and a hindrance.

With everything in life, the key is balance. I'm trying to balance my life right now with not looking forward too much, but staying in the footsteps of heroes.

Please Remember the last week of school, and that we would get everything accomplished as a school that we need to.

Alive

I'm alive, but I'm tired. I'm green, but I've seen more than I want to. I'm restless, but I'm going to be here a while.

It's dark, it's warm and it's cool, it's bright. Louder than the storm. Louder than the hurricane.

Break in the clouds

Ah, graduation.

Transition.

Change.

Things fundamental to the lifestyle I feel called to, and yet, that doesn't mean that I necessarily like them, even though I want them to happen. So it took me another few minutes to figure out what I wanted to say here. And I still don't have it. I guess I have a love/hate relationship with change: I like new things and I like being comfortable in how things are.

So during graduation today, we had a person with deputy in their official title speaking when... the sound board suddenly powered off. As the sound guy who had arrived at 7:00 A.M. and had made sure everything was rock solid, I was surprised. I quickly checked power, and it was working. I checked the board, and it was not exhibiting strange behaviors. I had brought a good amount of spares and backups, but I didn't have a backup board. Argh. Checked power again, and noted the that the breaker on the powerstrip to the board was popped out. Popped it back in, and we were up and running again. Objective time off - perhaps 15 seconds. Subjective time off - 203 hours. Oh well.

I just want to take this blog opportunity to tell you that I have a successful and attractive girlfriend who I like. Also, our relationship is based on food.

Where is is to be found

Excuse me for not posting a lot recently. It's the end of the semester, and I'm getting crunched with some projects.

On the plus side, I think I may be getting some things figured out.

For what we can't pull down

It's been an... exhausting couple of days. Lots of good things, but lots of exhaustion.

Today was supposed to be the high school musical concert on campus. Right after I got all the sound gear set up for the outdoor concert, we had a dust storm. So I took out cable connections, closed up cases, etc. Just in time for the start of the short but torrential downpour of rain. So we had to emergenciarily (which is a good word I just made up) took the stuff inside, and some of the 7th graders helping didn't have quite the care I could have wished. Oh well. I just have to spend tomorrow setting everything back up for the rain date.

There's been some other stuff going on with students that I've gotten pulled into which I haven't exactly been thrilled about, but what can you do?

I've also had some really good meetings with my new boss, which has been encouraging.

And tomorrow, I get to have a date with a pretty girl!

Hard to hear, too loud to see

Today was another day. I had 5th and 6th grade boys basketball, and I get so frustrated at them sometimes because the boys can be so contrary and frustrating. And then there's the kid who works hard at what I ask them to do, obviously improves over the course of the hour we're there, and makes me feel OK about myself as a semi-coach.

I did one of my semi-favorite things tonight. I closed the curtains, turned out the lights, and listened to music in the dark. It makes me feel alone and yet really not, and He takes away some of my madness when I do.

Yet.

I can get worn down by longer and longer days here.

I find that a simple thing keeps me grounded and able to lift my hands and my head up. I just think about what I can see that is absolutely amazing. When I think about gravity, when I think about trees, electrical conductivity, bacteria, I am amazed. Amazed that all this could exist for us, amazed that the blindfold has been taken off of me a little bit.

I really could use your Remembrance for knowing how to be here and be strength for the people around me, especially D. My role here, in so many things, is not direct work but support, and I find that especially true right now in my relationship with her. Please also Remember me during what is probably 'tonight' for most people reading this, because I'm leading our brief weekly team focus meeting tomorrow. I really want to be an encouragement to those around me.

Technological constancy

Well.

I got sick last night. Slept barely 3 hours. Couldn't keep anything in. Feeling better today, but still... not all here. I had been wanting to lose some weight, though. I managed to go to meeting this morning, but sat in the dark mostly not-awake for about 2.5 hours this afternoon.

The next few weeks just aren't going to let up. But that's what I am here for, I suppose. That, or to be reliable in being reliably unreliable.

One of my buddies is coming over in a couple minutes, and we're going to play some Total Annihilation. We've both been geeked about this for a couple days. It's nice to know that in many ways, I don't change.

I really need to learn the language here. But I am going to have to dedicate time to do it, and I just can't, especially because I'm doing too much else.

Back and forth

The last two days were spent, in large part, running tech for the drama class performances. They turned out far better than I expected.

I also spent time with D listening to Odyssey and watching Mulan. Yes, you did read that right. I had a good time.

I've been reading about the start of the new. And there are things in there that I would not have thought about if I hadn't been in this cultural context. It's been good.

I have something interesting on the way.

Straight Backs

So.

As my days grow longer (the sun comes up earlier and stays up later), I grow more and more tired of all the different things that struggle with. I grow tired and impatient of the difficulties in living with and interacting with humans. I cannot put away the childish things that I have grow up in as easily as I would like.

I wonder if ever else than coming here would I have found myself in the position of wanting to walk out on myself. I am not entirely sure that my back is going straighten without a crack or a hitch. All part of getting older, I suppose. I can't climb back into the skin I shed.

I don't need a mountain moved. I just need what it would take to do that.

This is going to be a long three weeks between performances I have to help with, the sun stealing my sleep, my own anxieties. They all say I'm doing fine. I'm a liar. Still, I just wish that I could say it's alright, but I can't make it right.

One thing

Ok, in all honesty, not one thing but a bunch of things.

The Royals are well above .500 at this point in the season. How did that happen? I read an article one time by one of the sabermetrics guys where he said, in baseball, you basically figure that you're going to win 1/3rd of your games, you're going to lose 1/3rd of your games, and you have to figure out how to win those toss up games. It's generally true in higher level baseball. Only an absolutely horrific team ends up under .300 and only a stellar team ends up close to .700

I played Frisbee yesterday - I hadn't gone to a Friday in a long time, and it was really good. I needed it, and I'm glad I chose to go. I got on a good team, and I wasn't anywhere close to being the best player on the team, which is always a plus for me. We ended up winning both games we played, which also made me happy.

I really dig the new As Cities Burn album.

My girlfriend is beautiful and wonderful.

The weather here is getting nicer. At the same time, we've had the wettest spring that's been had here in at least 5 years, which is a huge boon to this country. It's been close to drought levels for 5 years, and so this rain is wonderful. This country needed it, and it has been provided.

Time zones here are weird to this American used to daylight savings times. It gets light around 4:40. So when I wake up at 5:47, it's like waking up at 7:17 in the U.S, as far as being light is concerned.

Gate

I just got the new As Cities Burn album, courtesy of a really cool girlfriend. I really like this album so far. I've listened through it a couple times, and it's great. It's also something I can listen to at work, since it's not too rocky, which is also a plus.

I played basketball for a while this morning. I'm improving slowly and slowly.

I had a great date with my gorgeous girlfriend last night.

Things are.

Wrinkles

600.

I've posted 600 times on this blog.

This is actually post number 601.

I've been getting frustrated lately, and I need to break that cycle. It gets difficult for me, because there are some things that I can't control, and some things that just won't seem to change, and other things in me that refuse to make the change. I've been frustrated by myself, by others, by situations. I need to focus on and find the calm that is readily available to me if I just Seek it rightly.

I won't mask it, fact of the matter is, this is a hard place to live life. Even with a sense of purpose in being here, even with good co-workers, even with an incredible girlfriend, this is a hard place to live. If I had no sense of calling to this place, I would bail. I would leave. But I'm supposed to be here. And as much as I may not like it at times, I still have to be here.

Tomorrow, there's an elementary music program. That I'm supposed to run sound for. That I have been told basically nothing about. I really hope I can pull it off OK.

D got me an iTunes gift certificate for my birthday, so I'm getting new music. I'm definitely getting As Cities Burn's recent album, and probably the new mewithoutyou when it comes out next tuesday. I so love getting new music. I'm thinking about Dave Crowder too...

I've been reading a book by a well known author from Minneapolis, it's his latest, talking about spectacular sins. There's a lot in there I'm trying to understand, but it's a hard read in a lot of ways.

And I get to go on a date with a gorgeous girl tomorrow. This reminds me that I am blessed beyond what I deserve.