Steel Guitars

What can we find in the simplicity of a wall? Not always the quiet that we want, but often the comfort that we need. Sheltering and protecting us, insulating us from the world around, and often far finer than the world around, it can be a comfort and a hindrance.

With everything in life, the key is balance. I'm trying to balance my life right now with not looking forward too much, but staying in the footsteps of heroes.

Please Remember the last week of school, and that we would get everything accomplished as a school that we need to.

Alive

I'm alive, but I'm tired. I'm green, but I've seen more than I want to. I'm restless, but I'm going to be here a while.

It's dark, it's warm and it's cool, it's bright. Louder than the storm. Louder than the hurricane.

Break in the clouds

Ah, graduation.

Transition.

Change.

Things fundamental to the lifestyle I feel called to, and yet, that doesn't mean that I necessarily like them, even though I want them to happen. So it took me another few minutes to figure out what I wanted to say here. And I still don't have it. I guess I have a love/hate relationship with change: I like new things and I like being comfortable in how things are.

So during graduation today, we had a person with deputy in their official title speaking when... the sound board suddenly powered off. As the sound guy who had arrived at 7:00 A.M. and had made sure everything was rock solid, I was surprised. I quickly checked power, and it was working. I checked the board, and it was not exhibiting strange behaviors. I had brought a good amount of spares and backups, but I didn't have a backup board. Argh. Checked power again, and noted the that the breaker on the powerstrip to the board was popped out. Popped it back in, and we were up and running again. Objective time off - perhaps 15 seconds. Subjective time off - 203 hours. Oh well.

I just want to take this blog opportunity to tell you that I have a successful and attractive girlfriend who I like. Also, our relationship is based on food.

Where is is to be found

Excuse me for not posting a lot recently. It's the end of the semester, and I'm getting crunched with some projects.

On the plus side, I think I may be getting some things figured out.

For what we can't pull down

It's been an... exhausting couple of days. Lots of good things, but lots of exhaustion.

Today was supposed to be the high school musical concert on campus. Right after I got all the sound gear set up for the outdoor concert, we had a dust storm. So I took out cable connections, closed up cases, etc. Just in time for the start of the short but torrential downpour of rain. So we had to emergenciarily (which is a good word I just made up) took the stuff inside, and some of the 7th graders helping didn't have quite the care I could have wished. Oh well. I just have to spend tomorrow setting everything back up for the rain date.

There's been some other stuff going on with students that I've gotten pulled into which I haven't exactly been thrilled about, but what can you do?

I've also had some really good meetings with my new boss, which has been encouraging.

And tomorrow, I get to have a date with a pretty girl!

Hard to hear, too loud to see

Today was another day. I had 5th and 6th grade boys basketball, and I get so frustrated at them sometimes because the boys can be so contrary and frustrating. And then there's the kid who works hard at what I ask them to do, obviously improves over the course of the hour we're there, and makes me feel OK about myself as a semi-coach.

I did one of my semi-favorite things tonight. I closed the curtains, turned out the lights, and listened to music in the dark. It makes me feel alone and yet really not, and He takes away some of my madness when I do.

Yet.

I can get worn down by longer and longer days here.

I find that a simple thing keeps me grounded and able to lift my hands and my head up. I just think about what I can see that is absolutely amazing. When I think about gravity, when I think about trees, electrical conductivity, bacteria, I am amazed. Amazed that all this could exist for us, amazed that the blindfold has been taken off of me a little bit.

I really could use your Remembrance for knowing how to be here and be strength for the people around me, especially D. My role here, in so many things, is not direct work but support, and I find that especially true right now in my relationship with her. Please also Remember me during what is probably 'tonight' for most people reading this, because I'm leading our brief weekly team focus meeting tomorrow. I really want to be an encouragement to those around me.

Technological constancy

Well.

I got sick last night. Slept barely 3 hours. Couldn't keep anything in. Feeling better today, but still... not all here. I had been wanting to lose some weight, though. I managed to go to meeting this morning, but sat in the dark mostly not-awake for about 2.5 hours this afternoon.

The next few weeks just aren't going to let up. But that's what I am here for, I suppose. That, or to be reliable in being reliably unreliable.

One of my buddies is coming over in a couple minutes, and we're going to play some Total Annihilation. We've both been geeked about this for a couple days. It's nice to know that in many ways, I don't change.

I really need to learn the language here. But I am going to have to dedicate time to do it, and I just can't, especially because I'm doing too much else.

Back and forth

The last two days were spent, in large part, running tech for the drama class performances. They turned out far better than I expected.

I also spent time with D listening to Odyssey and watching Mulan. Yes, you did read that right. I had a good time.

I've been reading about the start of the new. And there are things in there that I would not have thought about if I hadn't been in this cultural context. It's been good.

I have something interesting on the way.

Straight Backs

So.

As my days grow longer (the sun comes up earlier and stays up later), I grow more and more tired of all the different things that struggle with. I grow tired and impatient of the difficulties in living with and interacting with humans. I cannot put away the childish things that I have grow up in as easily as I would like.

I wonder if ever else than coming here would I have found myself in the position of wanting to walk out on myself. I am not entirely sure that my back is going straighten without a crack or a hitch. All part of getting older, I suppose. I can't climb back into the skin I shed.

I don't need a mountain moved. I just need what it would take to do that.

This is going to be a long three weeks between performances I have to help with, the sun stealing my sleep, my own anxieties. They all say I'm doing fine. I'm a liar. Still, I just wish that I could say it's alright, but I can't make it right.

One thing

Ok, in all honesty, not one thing but a bunch of things.

The Royals are well above .500 at this point in the season. How did that happen? I read an article one time by one of the sabermetrics guys where he said, in baseball, you basically figure that you're going to win 1/3rd of your games, you're going to lose 1/3rd of your games, and you have to figure out how to win those toss up games. It's generally true in higher level baseball. Only an absolutely horrific team ends up under .300 and only a stellar team ends up close to .700

I played Frisbee yesterday - I hadn't gone to a Friday in a long time, and it was really good. I needed it, and I'm glad I chose to go. I got on a good team, and I wasn't anywhere close to being the best player on the team, which is always a plus for me. We ended up winning both games we played, which also made me happy.

I really dig the new As Cities Burn album.

My girlfriend is beautiful and wonderful.

The weather here is getting nicer. At the same time, we've had the wettest spring that's been had here in at least 5 years, which is a huge boon to this country. It's been close to drought levels for 5 years, and so this rain is wonderful. This country needed it, and it has been provided.

Time zones here are weird to this American used to daylight savings times. It gets light around 4:40. So when I wake up at 5:47, it's like waking up at 7:17 in the U.S, as far as being light is concerned.

Gate

I just got the new As Cities Burn album, courtesy of a really cool girlfriend. I really like this album so far. I've listened through it a couple times, and it's great. It's also something I can listen to at work, since it's not too rocky, which is also a plus.

I played basketball for a while this morning. I'm improving slowly and slowly.

I had a great date with my gorgeous girlfriend last night.

Things are.

Wrinkles

600.

I've posted 600 times on this blog.

This is actually post number 601.

I've been getting frustrated lately, and I need to break that cycle. It gets difficult for me, because there are some things that I can't control, and some things that just won't seem to change, and other things in me that refuse to make the change. I've been frustrated by myself, by others, by situations. I need to focus on and find the calm that is readily available to me if I just Seek it rightly.

I won't mask it, fact of the matter is, this is a hard place to live life. Even with a sense of purpose in being here, even with good co-workers, even with an incredible girlfriend, this is a hard place to live. If I had no sense of calling to this place, I would bail. I would leave. But I'm supposed to be here. And as much as I may not like it at times, I still have to be here.

Tomorrow, there's an elementary music program. That I'm supposed to run sound for. That I have been told basically nothing about. I really hope I can pull it off OK.

D got me an iTunes gift certificate for my birthday, so I'm getting new music. I'm definitely getting As Cities Burn's recent album, and probably the new mewithoutyou when it comes out next tuesday. I so love getting new music. I'm thinking about Dave Crowder too...

I've been reading a book by a well known author from Minneapolis, it's his latest, talking about spectacular sins. There's a lot in there I'm trying to understand, but it's a hard read in a lot of ways.

And I get to go on a date with a gorgeous girl tomorrow. This reminds me that I am blessed beyond what I deserve.