The top of my lungs

In our guys group this week, we talked about the fourth chapter of the book to the early italians. One of the things the leader talked about was that how, generally as men, we are oriented to problem-solving, and gave the example that in many cases, a female partner will tell her male partner something not because she wants it fixed, but because she needs to talk about it. D and I have had that come up, she tells me things and says, "This is sharing, not a fix it." Today, I feel like I can't fix anything. I can try to take care of all the details about getting her back, but when she is crying and all I can do is hold her, I feel so inadequate and unable. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, other than just hold her and Ask for love, grace, and comfort to flow into her and her family. I can't fix this. I can only be here, and Speak of her and her family.

And this is how we know of His love - that it covers over us and uses even those of us so inadequate as this. Those of us who know not what to say and feel like we're no use. Those of us who are given the strength to be leaned upon, though we know not why.

We're back in the U.S. Please Ask that D and her family have comfort, grace and peace flow into them.

Sufficient

I was going to write a happier post about the date we went on last night that was so much fun. But I can't. Please Remember D and her family. Her brother died unexpectedly this morning. Tomorrow, I'm flying back to the states with her for the funeral. Please Ask that she can get rest before we go, and that the cold she has doesn't get worse. Please Ask for His comfort to surround her and her family.

"His grace is sufficient for us."

Holding us together

I'm listening to The Hoard by As Cities Burn, and it's a good followup companion to our guys group tonight.

I took a nap today, and experienced my hour of torture after waking up from the nap. The reason I don't nap is because it's horrible afterwords.

I've really been Asking of late for patience and joy, neither of which are rarely in abundance in me by myself.

Son, this is it, this is it! We're all sinking for our sins...

Unless...

Fined by the shears

Ok, so it's Saturday, and it's the first day of the week. I got a lot of stuff done the last few work days, so good job me. I passed out a survey in staff meeting today on what people want for next year. One of the questions was, "I would rather the school provided me with (circle one)" Somebody circled four things. I'm trying to decide if they didn't really read the survey or just didn't care.

One of our teacher's aides, who has children at our school, told me that her son wanted to dress like me for Dress Like a Teacher day during spirit week, so he could wear sunglasses. This is because I always wear my sunglasses outside, a holdover from when I worked for GBS and had to wear safety glasses any time I went to the shop. The TA told her son it would be easy, all he needed was a black coat and sunglasses, and he'd be set. I guess I have a repetitive outfit in the winter.

I like my girlfriend.

It's alternating between warming up and staying cool. Hopefully it warms up for good soon.

So I can look

AAh, here is so exasperatingly great sometimes.

I touched at least 26 computers today. I'm moving to a new enterprise-wide IM system, I had to ensure that Antivirus was working properly on my portable computer lab system, and I'm also finally moving to Windows XP SP3 (I had tried to figure out how to push it out to my users, or let them do it without elevating them to Admin privileges and finally gave up.

I had to go through two guards, two guard supervisors and a student to finally grasp what the groundskeeper who took Max, our german shepherd, to the vet yesterday was telling me about the pills. I almost had it, but was just enough wrong to be wrong. I really, really need to learn Dari.

I went out for Pizza to our regular Wednesday spot. We really have a good time together there. The place might be closing soon, so we're enjoying it while we can.

D wanted to watch Disney tonight, so we watched the Little Mermaid and Aladdin. It was fun.

I've been watching The Office. It's hilarious.

I'm working tomorrow A.M. to try to get these updates finished. I sent dire warnings to teachers about confiscations if they don't bring their computers to me to update, so we'll see what happens.

Restoration, Formation

It's amazing what foundation can come from not getting as much sleep as you wish you did. In case you don't know me very well, I take things personally. I'm a little stress puppy a lot of the time. I'm really grateful for the people in my life that call me on that when I need it.

I had some funny things happen today. The little second grade boy who I played 'soccer' with for a couple minutes after school while we were waiting for his sisters to come down from ballet hugged me before he left. The seniors begging me to let them play dodgeball instead of basketball since the court was full of snow, because that's what I did with the 3rd and 4th graders yesterday.

D is really cute when she's hyper (yes, you are. :)) I just didn't want to leave this post without a little sappiness.

lack of prenatal

this world is a world is a page that we know how it ends

on the interior side the entrance is straightforward yet held forth

cold all around but the simple warmth of together denied the same

chase the chord and harmony in the face of the fear and of a sigh

one day will all this grow old and decrepit decaying though the fire

the cares and the things led only carries so far to the distribution

long ago this path was set aright but the seeming imprecision continues

nagging and swelling hold for service fortifying a rotting timber

fragile trails hold back the forest just enough for the ending to come

unfailing and unfading is far from what i deserve

i deserve?

Just for tomorrow

Today has been Valentine's day. It has been special. We had breakfast with our team, then stayed for an impromptu dance party, made valentines for people, had lunch. I shoveled off a roof and got a bike, then we had a mini-picnic and watched a movie.

I'm really glad for the Love in this holiday.

Anteater

We have a surprise holiday tomorrow! No, it's not Valentine's day, it's Russians Leaving Day. Or something like that. They've never had this holiday before at this time as far as we can tell. But we have the day off. Of course, we're still on security restrictions, so we can't go lots of places. But we're going to have a good time anyway. A real breakfast and an inside picnic. It will be good.

We've got close to 20cm of snow here. It's awesome. This country needs the moisture so much, and it's supposed to snow for another three or four days. That would be great.

We went to meeting this morning and it was really cool. I can't tell you lots else, but it was really great. I'm glad we went there, and we're probably going to keep going to that group for the time being.

After meeting, we went out to eat with some friends. It was a really nice time. Then we came back here and had another fire-building adventure, D called her students to tell them no class tomorrow, we re-arranged my room. Then we sat together for a while before going over with other friends to another teacher's house to eat. It's been a good day.

Tomorrow may be one holiday here, it may be a different one where you are at, but all of them are days to stop and reflect. Think about what has been done for you. You can hide it, you can fight it, but red stains of love remind your heart now.

Between the nebula

It snowed, almost literally all day, yesterday. We need it so much, it was great. Huge flakes, wet snow. Good news for this place at a time when it was sorely needed.

Life here has been going well. We're trying to figure out what we are going to be allowed to do tomorrow, but we are probably going to have a 'picnic' for V-Day. Probably not outside, but inside should be a good time.

I don't really have anything else to blog right now.

So well regarded and so mundane

Mundane things from my life today:

Decided not to wear long underwear to work. It was warm enough.

Discovered that I can't use the gas heater in my office without getting a headache within about half an hour. So I have to use electric, which is less efficient and not as warm. But I can work. Trade off.

The wireless keyboard in my office had a long of junk in it when I took it apart because the control key was sticking. Eww. Never look inside your keyboard.

When I have a goal, things can go a lot better.

What is simple and straightforward to me is not so to others.

Lockdown.

I like watching The Office because it is hilarious.



Extra-ordinary things from my day:

The news.

Getting rather furious at kids in carline for lying to me and then laughing about it.

Ordering Lebanese delivery and eating supper with D and one of our really good friends here.

Watching a fairly funny movie (cars) with D.

Holding her hand.

Knowing that no matter what happens right now, I'm here.

The News

After until sundown

How do I tell of the progression that takes place in the wanderings of my mind?

How do I tell you of the changes that the King effects in my slow pacing?

So yet again here, again do I make this my starting point. I fail to understand, I fail to show, I fail to grow. I succeed in learning, I start to shine, I can feel the roots spreading and seeking for the water and nutrients to sustain me. Pull back the stars, let free the storehouses.

I know some of them of whom the world is not worthy.

I'm barely around long enough to speak more than a couple of simple phrases, rarely able to communicate in any kind of meaningful way. Add my lack of intentional development, and you have a disappointing scenario. But the mystery is that even in my stumbling, halting efforts, I can lift my voice to show the Rider.

The world around me is beginning to shake, not from the fear of what man can do, nor from the natural changes in the earth, but from the Hand that moves us to all joy, that brings us to all trials, and shepherds us through them. Fear, yes, but not fear as the common man thinks of it. Fear of a different kind.

Sometimes I don't understand why I get what I don't deserve when I should get what I do deserve. This is the mystery of grace. It shows up so often in my life. I don't deserve to be here, in a place such as this at a time such as this, but I am. I don't deserve to be headed to refreshment and renewal, to another adventure, to a place that has been prepared for me, and yet, there will I go. I don't deserve to have a job wherein I see the line between meaning and my day blur together. I don't deserve to have as wonderful of friends and family as I have been given. I don't deserve to have a wonderful woman like D in my life. But then grace comes and covers me. He's been where I have been, He's there, He Is.

As we soldier through the cold, I think about the people here who have no heat. I think about the families that I know of who can barely feed themselves. And I wonder, I wish to know, Why do the skies not open and the people ask What Is It?

When I sit on top of playground equipment and look up at the stars with her, I find that the simplest of words carries a weight unknowable to me until the measure of my days has found fullness. As our quiet voices carry through the cool night air, I know the beginnings of surrender, and the slow embrace of a familiar hand.

And I trust that there is death so wonderful. The skies open and the flood rolls down. He made a path for the lightning of the thunder. Think of that. He made a path.

What are you so scared of?

And I remember I'll soon be dead.

What's holding you down?

Rise against.

Patchwork

So, I know I haven't posted here as much of late. I'm writing more other places, and that has taken up some of my time that would normally be used for posting.

There has also been a lot going on that I won't or can't tell you about. But suffice it to say that I've been thinking a lot about growth, grief, justice, humility, surrender, understanding, trusting. Life here really is a growing process, in ways large and small.

Work is going. I'm really trying to implement systems that will help me ensure that I am making headway towards task accomplishment, which has long been a problem for me. I'm also trying to fit myself into a system that doesn't really exist right now on the business side of things.

D is... wonderful. I don't want to seem sappy, so I really can't say much more. But we had a great date the other night, which was wonderful. We took fun questions to ask each other, like "If you could start any kind of business, what business would you start?" And fun stuff like that. We also have a really great level to our relationship where we can talk about things, but also have a good time and not have to always talk about big things. We both know we've got plenty of time to figure things out, and each of us has an individual and interpersonal commitment to try to make sure that we come out of this phase of our relationship as better people, no matter which way our relationship goes. I really like my pretty girlfriend. :)

Well, I don't know what else to talk about. I Trust you are doing well, wherever you are.

Date

D and I had our first 'Stan date tonight. We had so much fun. I have a great girlfriend. We had a slight concern earlier this week that security and the stinking terrorists might thwart us again, but we made it! We made lots of jokes this week about our 'red hot' date because of where we were going.

I'd post more about the rest of life, but I don't know what to say, because this is pretty much the biggest thing in my week that I can talk about!

Summer winds and dodecahedrons

I'm mentally worn, physically ready to go. I don't know why, exactly. Death so wonderful.

When we ask for trials and difficulties, we have to be prepared for what comes. I asked for this, I knew I was signing up for this, and so I simply must persevere through the open and cloudy skies.

I have nothing to give as an offering other than what I'm trying to give every day here.